Quietboy

Are Stockings Slutty?

106 posts in this topic

only if the ladys wearing them right haha !.

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This isn't something that I am wanting to enforce or go on at her about I have been very happy since I met her and she has not once worn anything remotely like what I bought her. Its supposed to be something fun for us to do together, its the fact that she won't even give it a go because of this warped opinion of the whole thing that she has.

I'm not exactly opening up to strangers, I know no-one here I was just looking for some opinions and advice because the one time it was discussed with my girlfriend she got very angry because of the image she had in her head and as of yet I haven't been able to discuss this with her to find out whats going on. It really isn't a big thing and I can't imagine acting this way towards her if she suggested I try wearing something, I can't think of anything I wouldn't give a try if she asked it of me, let alone something as insignificant as this. Surely it is the same as a woman finding a man in a suit attractive as opposed to jeans and a tshirt.

This is something I have always wanted to share with someone and until now (in 30 years, my girlfriend is 26) I have never found the right person or felt comfortable enough to tell them how I feel. Its not just stockings, she has certain items of clothing and underwear that she looks great in as I'm sure I have in her eyes, well I know I do, she loves me wearing certain trousers, shirts, boxer shorts etc - how is this any different?

Its not something vile or overly kinky, its not hurting anyone, its something that I like and if after giving it a try it still felt awkward to her then I could understand. I have images in my head of glamorous women from many years ago, not some OTT page 3 girl with everything hanging out on show.

I don't particulary like football but I'm willing to sit and watch a match with her because its something she likes, she has her own little kinks and fetishes that don't exactly do it for me like they do for her but I'm more than willing to join in and enjoy them as I know they please her.

I can see now that there is only a small possibility of this all having a happy ending. Either its something she never wants to do and I made a giant mistake and made myself look like a complete idiot when I opened up and told her that this is something I'd really like, or she gives it a try and only does it for me or when I ask her to do it. Both of those scenarios are as bad as each other, all I was hoping to do was introduce her to items of clothing that would flatter her and make her look beautiful with the hope of her liking how she looks in them as much as I do. I would hope that she would like them and feel the desire to wear them more and more often as she got used to them. I don't want to ever ask her to wear something, I'd like her to wear them for herself, wearing them for me wouldn't please me at all in any way. She didn't wear pencil skirts until recently, I find those attractive and asked her to try one on and its one of her favourite things to wear now - I hope things work out as bleak as things look at the moment.

How do I go about asking her to give them a try, without coming across badly? She can't fail to look good in them, also what can I say to disprove this negative opinion she has of them?

I'm not wanting her to wear them, I'm hoping that she will like them and want to wear them for herself, not me.

Thanks to everyone who has replied by the way, I didn't realise I was coming across so badly and that I was being such a bad boyfriend by siggesting this to my girlfriend, I just don't see them as slutty they are just a regular piece of clothing to me. I also felt that TC seems to understand what I'm getting quite a bit, I hope you can all give me some advice on how to go about things next.

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Hello Quietboy,

I'm thinking about the pathway to a "Best Friends" relationship. This type of relationship is built by taking our stumbling blocks and turning them into stepping stones. It's unfortunately forged out of grief, sorrow and spiritual pain but that pain is the only instrument sharp enough to prune away the excess of our own wayward will. We get acquainted with a person and we form a relationship and then we may fall in love. At that time our love is more of a physical love and is very fragile and often shatters because as people/lovers we do not or will not see eye to eye with our mate simply because we are still bound by selfishness. We are torn apart by our own greed and self centered ways. Our relationship/love has not yet been put through the test. The test is experience and she is a wicked task master. Fragile love must experience the tests of life and when we are ready by toil and beaten by self we will be given the lessons by which to grow. We will realize that our suffering has great merit for it's the suffering that builds a "Best Friends" relationship. Those who stick around long enough know what I mean when I say, "Don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens" The new love is a physical, emotional and material love. It's what people use to call "Puppy Love" The unity of two people grows into the spiritual love when we actually fall in love with what makes a person tick. We fall in love with the spiritual character that is void of self and full of self less. In other words, we will do what ever we can to make and keep each other happy and this takes a long time. And by happy I mean there is no physical or emotional danger involved. Things always get better when that one letter word "I" is removed from the equation of love. Quietboy, I feel badly for you! I wish I had the opportunity to talk with your lady. I've taken on some real hard cases and I always ask a hard case to do this? Look into the mirror and you will see the problem looking right back at you. I know some people may read this and think that all this crap I'm sharing about has to do with you, your lady and the stockings. My words are forged from 42 years of being with the same man and what I'm trying to convey is no love will grow unless we become more open minded people ready to do the little things that lead to a spiritual love. And I believe that to stay green and growing we must communicate or we dry up and wither away. Now is the time for action on your part. You may as well learn how to communicate now or many quiet days are in store for Quietboy. There is no perfect time to talk to your lady. You just have to do it1

Sincerely,

Susan

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This isn't something that I am wanting to enforce or go on at her about I have been very happy since I met her and she has not once worn anything remotely like what I bought her. Its supposed to be something fun for us to do together, its the fact that she won't even give it a go because of this warped opinion of the whole thing that she has.

I'm not exactly opening up to strangers, I know no-one here I was just looking for some opinions and advice because the one time it was discussed with my girlfriend she got very angry because of the image she had in her head and as of yet I haven't been able to discuss this with her to find out whats going on. It really isn't a big thing and I can't imagine acting this way towards her if she suggested I try wearing something, I can't think of anything I wouldn't give a try if she asked it of me, let alone something as insignificant as this. Surely it is the same as a woman finding a man in a suit attractive as opposed to jeans and a tshirt.

This is something I have always wanted to share with someone and until now (in 30 years, my girlfriend is 26) I have never found the right person or felt comfortable enough to tell them how I feel. Its not just stockings, she has certain items of clothing and underwear that she looks great in as I'm sure I have in her eyes, well I know I do, she loves me wearing certain trousers, shirts, boxer shorts etc - how is this any different?

Its not something vile or overly kinky, its not hurting anyone, its something that I like and if after giving it a try it still felt awkward to her then I could understand. I have images in my head of glamorous women from many years ago, not some OTT page 3 girl with everything hanging out on show.

I don't particulary like football but I'm willing to sit and watch a match with her because its something she likes, she has her own little kinks and fetishes that don't exactly do it for me like they do for her but I'm more than willing to join in and enjoy them as I know they please her.

I can see now that there is only a small possibility of this all having a happy ending. Either its something she never wants to do and I made a giant mistake and made myself look like a complete idiot when I opened up and told her that this is something I'd really like, or she gives it a try and only does it for me or when I ask her to do it. Both of those scenarios are as bad as each other, all I was hoping to do was introduce her to items of clothing that would flatter her and make her look beautiful with the hope of her liking how she looks in them as much as I do. I would hope that she would like them and feel the desire to wear them more and more often as she got used to them. I don't want to ever ask her to wear something, I'd like her to wear them for herself, wearing them for me wouldn't please me at all in any way. She didn't wear pencil skirts until recently, I find those attractive and asked her to try one on and its one of her favourite things to wear now - I hope things work out as bleak as things look at the moment.

How do I go about asking her to give them a try, without coming across badly? She can't fail to look good in them, also what can I say to disprove this negative opinion she has of them?

I'm not wanting her to wear them, I'm hoping that she will like them and want to wear them for herself, not me.

Thanks to everyone who has replied by the way, I didn't realise I was coming across so badly and that I was being such a bad boyfriend by siggesting this to my girlfriend, I just don't see them as slutty they are just a regular piece of clothing to me. I also felt that TC seems to understand what I'm getting quite a bit, I hope you can all give me some advice on how to go about things next.

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I am quite new here and still finding my way around. I have discovered I love it! One of the reasons is this very topic. I hit on this question by accident and found myself totally drawn in. I doubt I can, or should, add any more useful advice, but I love the way a simple question opened up an enormous can of sexual worms. What a wonderful tangential conversation on how to make relationships work, the meaning and relevance of fetish in sex and the value of sex in a relationship. I have really enjoyed everyones' considered thoughts. Thank you.

For what it is worth, the hypocritical nature of our post-Victorian culture makes us unsure what things to class as 'slutty' instead of 'erotic' on a daily basis. Just read a newspaper. It's not just stockings we have problems with. As anyone who lives in our modern, supposedly-repressed, British society will know, no one is better than us at getting the very best out of the frisson between 'naughty' and 'nice'. Rather than fight it, I, for one, relish it.

glm

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Hello Again Quietboy.

First on, I think you do not come off badly at all. You asked a question that involved more than a simple answer and branched out as tree might do in the Spring. Susan offers good advice. She speaks from the heart while I usually do so from the head. Then again, Susan usually is able to hit the proverbial nail on the head and is sound in her insights. Not much more that I'm able to add though I shall say you are on to a higher level of self awareness by comparison concerning your fist posts and as I say, the first steps are the most challenging and few know they have taken any until reflection. Everyone gets on with their Life at various points as even your twin brother would be different than you in personality and approaches to living. My take is you've started taking those first steps and usually, they become easier. You do not need to keep a record of how far you've traveled, you shall know when you look back and see how far you've come.

Fine Regards,

Dworkin

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Hello,

The word 'hope' seems to occur in your text quite a bit, which is good, but along with the warmth of hope there also seems to be latent resentment and fear, that are likely to end up destroying your hopes. There seems to be latent resentment in your reasoning that 'I watch football to please her, why shouldn't she wear stockings to please me?'. Not a healthy way of reasoning, as watching football isn't an activity that will touch on anything really deep-seated, whereas wearing items of clothing that one disapproves of is bound to affect one's self-image and may resonate with something in one's childhood, or from some past, unfortunate experience and revive forgotten fears and just lead to more resentment, hostility, dislike, irritation, anger, bitterness and even separation.

You seem to be labouring under several misunderstandings. It just isn't true to say that wearing stockings is something that lots of women do. They don't. If they did, sales would account for more than the paltry 10 % or so that they do. Among those women that do wear them, not all of them enjoy doing so. Some do enjoy the experience, some don't mind, some only wear them to please a partner, but as soon as said partner has slung his hook, they're back in tights, because tights are perceived, rightly or wrongly, I wouldn't know, as being more practical and with none of the possible connotations stockings often have. You just can't compare wearing stockings with wearing a pair of sun glasses or a hat. Come on! Stockings and suspenders are not just a 'regular piece of clothing that many people wear'. If they were, there wouldn't be any need for this forum.

You say you just want her to give them a try, and if she doesn't like wearing them, then fair enough, you'll be satisfied. No, no, no, a thousand times no. You know that's not true. Once she starts, you'll never get enough, and if she were to say that she no longer wanted to, which she will, then you will want to know why and try to talk her round, to pressurize her or even nag her and the whole thing will start all over again. I believe that erotic clothing as epitomised by stockings releases powerful feel-good chemicals into the brain that act as a drug. The high is such that one becomes addicted straight away. Unlike cigarettes, the first of which often makes one feel sick, with stockings it only takes once and you're hooked. Such a voluptuous addiction.

I'm not sure that saying stockings will make her look beautiful is right. Stockings won't make her look beautiful. They'll make her look intensely, overpoweringly desirable, they are the ultimate in femininity, they will convey an erotic charge that is truly mysterious in its overwhelming, irresistible strength, but they aren't 'beautiful'. I've always had trouble with people looking at my car and saying that it is beautiful. It isn't. It's a metal box with a wheel on each corner and a couple of seats, and it smells. Stockings are two tubes of nylon held up by four elastic strips. Don't get me wrong, I love it when I see my partner wearing stockings, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here writing this stuff, but what right do I have to decree that she should share my enthusiasm for something that she just can't see the point of?

Your postings have been trotting around in my head since I first read them, as like TC and no doubt scores of others, I've been there. You might try one last throw of the dice and suggest a trial separation, and explain why. It might work, temporarily, but something tells me it won't be a long-term solution.

Good luck and like everyone else here, I hope everything will work out as you wish.

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Hello QuietBoy.

If it's any consolation to you I do think I know what you are going through. Maybe if I tell my story it might give you something to think about. (Having just proofread the below I’m acutely aware that it does not say half the things I wanted it to, and it is hardly a work of literature, but here goes…)

We were married 20 years ago – we met at university and for me at least it was love at first sight.

At the time I didn't really have a ‘nylons’ thing - it kind of crept up on me, but it grew and, like you, I kind of broached the subject when I felt the time was right.

Like you too, the initial reaction to asking was *very* negative - a complete rejection: why did I 'need' this, it wasn't 'natural', 'I should be enough for you'. (It makes me feel ill just remembering how awful that time was, and it was a long time ago too).

May years later, on reflection I think that this was reaction was perhaps a little bit of a straightlaced upbringing as well as an idealised image of married life - that ‘love’ should be 'pure', that clothing should not be part of sex, which should always be performed 'au naturel' without artificial stimulus, as it were.

(That's not to say Mrs T-C was any kind of ogre - far from it - this was the only area of or married life in which she expressed anything with such vehemence. And to be honest she’s a far, far nicer person than I am: kind where I’m harsh, trusting where I’m cynical, generous to a fault).

So where did that leave me? Well, this was the woman with whom I had chosen to share my life so, naturally, I attempted to put it to one side.

But eventually... you discover sites like this, you meet other people quite happy to dress/be dressed to please their partners, and you get to thinking that actually, it's not very much to ask in an otherwise happy marriage. Add the fact that you only want to see your partner dressed like this and it becomes even more difficult for you ‘to understand’.

But because you love them, you accept that your partner has the right to their opinion, that they will see another discussion of the matter as a massive criticism, and that it will, in fact *hurt* them. And you know that you're not perfect either. So you continue to suppress the subject.

But like any unresolved issue in a relationship, it starts to fester until actually, for you, it starts to become a big issue. Eventually, you get to the point where you think '**** it'. In my case I had just about made the decision to leave. That was a terrible, terrible choice because we've got kids: you can appreciate how far down the line I'd got.

That was the time when the message finally got through to Mrs T-C: this was actually important to me. In a huge falling out I pretty much said that I couldn't live in a chocolate-box perfect sexual world and that yes, I was ‘weak’ - actually I did find certain types of clothing attractive, and that from time to time I wouldn't actually mind a bit of dressing up, just a *little* of her putting herself out for me a bit. Ouch….

Even now I'm reading back over this and thinking ‘this sounds a bit melodramatic and selfish' and 'it's just clothes' (and no doubt the more fervent posters are even now typing their 'outraged' responses) - but this is how it was. Am I proud of it? Should I have been a bit 'stronger'? Should I have 'got a grip'? Well, this is a relationship and relationships have foundered on far less things than sexual preferences. (I know a couple who didn't speak for a month because of the toilet seat...). If it hadn’t been this, it could have been anything else.

So, yes, now she does actually wear – reluctantly (presumably/hopefully? because she loves me). And yes, I’m grateful, and yes, I do love her the more for it. But was it an ‘adventure’? Not from where I’m standing - it was a car crash that we managed to walk away from. But we are still together. And perhaps we will, in future, see it as some kind of enriching moment (as many of the more mature (?…) posters seem to think) - time will tell. But at the moment I don’t recall enjoying that particular part of our ‘journey’.

Could we have avoided it?

I can’t tell whether it would have been better broaching the subject earlier. I think part of the way we got past it was that we had so much to lose. Without that illustration of the importance of the issue (for me, obviously), I’m not sure how things would have gone. Others reading this – particularly on a site like this – will think that in the grand scheme of things a bit of stocking wearing is something ridiculous to potentially walk out over – all I can say is, it happened, and here we are. What else could it have been? Money? Religion? Name any potential subject with strongly-held views, where one party says ‘Yes’, the other ‘No’. Irresistible force meets immovable object…

The question for you (again, to me – I’m hardly a relationship counsellor, as you can tell from the above) is whether you both feel there is much to lose. Were you to say: ‘This is important to me – I can’t do without it’, how would that go down? With as strongly-held views as we are talking about, would that ‘make’ or ‘break’ your relationship? Is your current understanding of each other strong enough to ‘hold’ you together whilst you work this out? With us, we had the weight of many years of marriage at risk proving that it was important. In your fledgling relationship, I’m wondering whether that ’illustration of importance’ is actually there. Too easy to dismiss each other as ‘shallow’ on one side and ‘prudish’ the other, this early on…

Hence my previous advice, harsh ‘though it may have sounded. If your g/f’s ideal man (for whatever reason) like her, does not find stockings per se attractive, then perhaps you are not actually that suited. Should she be looking for her ‘knight on a white charger’ (and it would appear that her knight must be of pure heart) elsewhere?

It’s just that you are starting from such a long way back… there must be some women in the world who accept that men do find stockings attractive. (If only there were a site or a forum to illustrate that…).

Of course, I could be wrong. Of course. Only you can tell whether your relationship can take the strain. Because for you to get what you want, your partner is going to have to change. And she probably won’t like the getting there: if she has to change then there are implications that she is ‘wrong’.

The alternative is for you to change, to become the ‘pure’ man she wants you to be. I know nothing about you or your relationship but I know I wasn’t strong enough to do that.

I don’t think any amount of cajoling or ‘illustrating’ did any good in our particular instance. In the end it boiled down to me saying: ‘I need you to do this for me. I know you might think it’s not right, I have no explanation for why I feel like this, but I need it’. And it hurt to say so - just to have to ask.

I don’t need to tell you to see her side of it. You wouldn’t be baring your soul on here if you were so insensitive not to see that. But do think of yourself a little, too.

I do dearly hope that you can see your way to the end of this without too much hurt.

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This thread amazes me.

I replied early on with a simple "No", that still stands.

I gave it no more than that due the fact that it seemed such an irrelevant topic for a site where everyone involved is here as a stockings lover to one extent or another. I actually wondered if it was a wind up, yet it continues. Did anyone really expect anyone to post "Yes they are slutty and all of us here are sluts".

There are 50 replies and I have no inclination on checking, but has the original poster come back with anything? Has the replies changed his G/F mind on the matter? If net threads were made of paper are we destrying a virtual rainforest on this subject..

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Defence rests, your honour. No further questions.

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This thread amazes me.

I replied early on with a simple "No", that still stands.

I gave it no more than that due the fact that it seemed such an irrelevant topic for a site where everyone involved is here as a stockings lover to one extent or another. I actually wondered if it was a wind up, yet it continues. Did anyone really expect anyone to post "Yes they are slutty and all of us here are sluts".

There are 50 replies and I have no inclination on checking, but has the original poster come back with anything? Has the replies changed his G/F mind on the matter? If net threads were made of paper are we destrying a virtual rainforest on this subject..

Interesting. An excellent illustration of the difference between the male and female users of a site like this. The women that contribute all no doubt choose freely to wear stockings, basically I suppose because they like to. On the other hand among the male users there are those like Quietboy (whose original posting may well be a wind up, but so what?) that would like their partners to make the same choice, but they come up against a refusal. For them, this site can be a way of expressing frustration, of seeking some kind of solace or of trying to find a way of talking their partners round; often alas, an illusion. The one thing no doubt that unites all is a desire to see the wearing of stockings come back into the mainstream. Dream on. And anyway, if that did happen (don't hold your breath) would stockings still keep so much of their appeal?

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In response JSB, It was I Mr.SoS who wrote the above post.

We are here as a couple, although SHQ have yet to allow that option on the profiles.

If we post something that reflects both our thoughts/views we don't sign. Otherwise, watch for a signature. So firstly an apology if that has confused, you weren't to know.

What is interesting is that I was in the very situation you described some years back, i.e the Mrs had foresaken the wearing of stocking for some years. I ploughed a lonely furrow in SHQ for sometime, without her knowledge and I found the site illuminating and offered much help in my encouragemnet of Mrs.SoS to rekindle her love for fine hosiery and especially stockings. and now, we are very much involved in the scene.

So in reply to your post, I think you are right in your assessment, I just wonder whether someone with as strong an opinion as the one expressed, i.e that his G/F thinks women in stockings are sluts, is going to be easy to overturn, but I wish him luck and I am sure if he hangs around long enough, takes note, asks pertinent questions and takes his time, he may get some inspiration to turn his G/F round. If its a wind, then ok, so what. But if not, I would have thought some follow words of gratitude to the likes of Susan Dworking et al may have curried him some favour.

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Bonjour!

I have read everyone's posts, and can see all sides.

I wanted to add my own thoughts as a woman who loves wearing and looking at others wearing FF nylon stockings.

(Please be patient with me as my english suffers when thinking too hard! And my typing is slower than my train of thought!)

It seems incredible that in 2010 terms like 'slutty' are still so loaded with negative connotations.

What does 'slutty' mean, anyway?

What makes stockings slutty? It's all in the eye of the beholder!

It's about society. Media, religion, education all shape our personal psychology. We are socialised to think and interpret the world around us.

It is our own perceptions and prejudices that label and distort.

We all project our desires and fears onto others and sometimes inanimate objects.

We all carry negative and positive associations with people, places, colours, music, scents, sounds, clothing, shoes... some become fetish objects.

But it is not the item itself thats the problem.

Having seen some pornographic material over the years, (which could in many peoples eyes celebrate the term 'slutty!') not many portray models / actresses wearing real FF nylon stockings, girdles etc. Mainstream porn does not seem pre-occupied with such delightful details!

Is it the behaviour and manner not the garment that is seen as bad...but then, what is 'bad'?

To be sexually confident and adventurous is idealised and fantasised over, but then also condemned by some of the same men who enjoy it!

Women are encouraged to explore their sexuality, but then cricised when they do it 'too much'!

Hypocritical, or just the natural product of a confused society.

Some of the 'nicest' girls at my Convent school were actually having the wildest time. It is true to say some had fun, some were awfully damaged and some just never told a soul! (I suspect their adventures never prevented a white wedding or the securing of a respectable husband! )

The girls who dyed their hair, or smoked or listened to banned rock music looked 'slutty', but actually were not the bad girls they appeared to be...

Some ethnic groups criticise Western women's dress and behaviour. Yet I have witnessed what is worn and enjoyed by these same men, and seen women covered head to toe buying erotic lingerie.

Contradictions? or all part of a personal / political mish mash or sex and society?

Do men still have fun with blondes but marry brunettes?

Do men still want tarts in the bedroom and saints in the kitchen?

Do men still have affairs with girls who 'do' because 'the wife' 'won't'?

Is the confusion of Madonna v Whore still an issue in 2010?

It is a shame when a loved one is not keen on sharing an interest, any interest!

I can see this could cause tensions in a relationship. All relationships, no matter how loving and commited initially, can flounder when people's interests grow apart and not together. This certainly happens if it is associated with 'matters of the bedroom'.

I read somewhere that a woman 'refusing' to share, and condemning her man for liking or wanting something, could be seen as controlling as a man making his woman do something she doesn't want to do.

A passive-aggressive act, if you will.

Also, a reluctant, surly woman wearing stockings just for her man is not a turn on, but a sad pantomime.

Or an insecure woman desperate to please a man with wearing what he wants, is not sexy.

And you can guarantee that once the 'honeymoon' wears off, as it were, so will the dressing to please.

Sad but true. Because it was never her thing to begin with!

Wearing stockings or any item could become a symbol of resentment and control. I read of someone who dressed up to 'please' her husband only when needing a new item for the home.

Now that sounds like prostitution?

All successful partnerships / marriages need both parties to be keen, open and interested in each other and the things the other person is 'into'.

It should be natural to be influenced to a degree, or develop one's own interest as a result of sharing.

There should be respect and boundaries, but trust to explore and experiment.

Being together dressed, undressed or 'dressed up' should be fun!

There are obvious times to know when what the other person likes to do is dangerous, abusive or even criminal. Wearing beautiful FF nylons and all the other deightful girdles, corsets and suspender belts does not fall into that area!

Ideally, getting into stockings should be an exciting adventure, trying and buying brands and styles, sharing in sensations and shades. Exploring combinations of looks.

The poster of this topic needs to address his concerns and needs clearly, and listen also to his partner's point of view. It becomes far more complex when the interest is wrapped up in intimacy and sexuality. But both may need to accept the problem may deeper than anytning to do with stockings. Bigger relationship issues need to be ironed out. What is about the relationship, and what is about stockings?

It's all about being open-minded.

It's about communication, respect and yes, compromise.

Something so beautiful but essentially trivial should not cause so much distress!!

Just some of my thoughts...I think too much sometimes, as you see!

Venus x x x

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Are stockings slutty?

If a nun wore them would you think so? " A there goes that slutty nun..." I may here you cry.

What if the intention were to seduce, or merely to flirt, or send out a signal from the planet of the small minded, that yes any female who wears stockings, in whatever guise is ready willing and more than capable of acts of serial and unbounded whorishness. Maybe the same could be said of a hat, or indeed a blouse, or a pair of high heeled shoes.

Implication or inference? Heaven knows you'll be using the way a women dresses as a defence in court- "she was just asking for it..."

I am afraid we have the porn industry and our own tawdry imaginations to blame for such ideas that stockings are slutty, my own spouse shares this view,I'd argue that

stockings are not slutty, but some men have their main neural pathways at a mid pelvic level rather than cerebral, and most men are afflicted this way some of the time, me included, so we're the slutty ones.

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Tout à fait, Venus: très bien dit.

(Surprising how many times this thread has been read in comparison to others... A message there too, perhaps?)

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i enjoy posts that stimulate discussions to the extent that this one has has. in responding, i'm sure that many posters have had to take a look at their own views on the subject, perhaps for the first time. i find nothing slitty about stockings. in fact, quite the opposite. for me,they are a classic detail. i think, as many others have implied, reading the comments here may let your lady know that they are quite acceptable, with none of the "if..., therefore"judgements that govern alot of peoples choices in life. i wish you both well and hope the issue resolves itself in a win/win fashion

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slut (slŭt)

n.

1.

a.A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.

b.A woman prostitute.

2.A slovenly woman; a slattern.

Since slutty is the adjective derived from the noun slut it follows that anyone describing something as "slutty" is inferring some or all the above to apply to the object or person so described.

I feel absolutely certain that none of the ladies who frequent these august forums would consider themselves or be considered by others to fit any of those descriptions.

Whilst it may be true that many people falling under definition 1a or 1b above do indeed wear stockings, to draw the conclusion that anyone who wears stockings is therefore a member of either of those categories is a conclusion based on nothing other than ignorant prejudice. It is no more true to say that all prostitutes wear stockings than to say that all stocking wearers are prostitutes (and therefore slutty).

As for definition 2, I think it highly improbable that anyone falling into this category is likely to spare sufficient time and effort to bedeck herself in stockings.

Quietboy - I think you have a difficult job on your hands. What you are dealing with is, I fear, ignorant prejudice. This is difficult to confront and deal with in any situation - be it religion, race, skin colour, sexual preference, football club or any of a host of other areas that leads to societal disquiet. Those who suffer from prejudice are seldom openminded enough to accept that their perspective may be incorrect.

If this is really an issue of such importance to you then you have limited choices available to you. You could simply walk away leaving behind someone whose attitude to an item of clothing borders on the ridiculous, you could bury your own preferences and succumb to the lady's prejudice or you could continue to fight your corner, engaging such allies and arguments as you can find to support your case. I doubt if the last of these is likely to lead to an harmonious relationship. The second is likely to result in feelings of resentment and frustration in you and may well lead you to look for fulfilment of that interest elsewhere... The first, whilst resulting in short-term grief for you, may be the least worst strategy.

Steve

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I have been with my girlfriend for the best part of a year and for the first time in my life I know that I want to be with them forever more. I decided to tell her last weekend that I have always liked stockings and various other clothes and thought that she would look beautiful in them and I would be over the moon if she would want to wear things like that and wondered if she would like to.

She listened to me tell her one of the most personel things in my life and it is something I have never felt comfortable enough to tell anyone else. I wanted her to know something private and intimate about me and after it was all said and done I felt we became even closer because of how honest and open I was. She told me a few things that she liked and I said I was more than happy to try anything and would like to please her in any way I could. She didn't think I was weird and said that she would like to wear things that I thought she would look nice in and to just buy her some things and she would try them on.

I bought a suspender belt from this website along with some black gio rhts and a silk chemise - all very respectable and elegant and I thought it would compliment her well as she has the most beautiful body and looks good in anything all the time.

She had no problem with the chemise but took complete offence to the stockings and suspender belt accusing me of wanting her to look like a whore and that they were slutty and she couldn't stand the thought of wearing them. I tried explaining that the cheap and tacky outfits she was talking about were completely different and that I would never ask her to dress in anything slutty but she was so offended that she couldn't even stand the sight of them and asked me to get rid of them.

I like this style of stockings because I think they look sophisticated and elegant, completely different from something from a place like ann summers etc. I told her that I admire how women dressed years ago and that its more of an admiration than a sexual thing as that wasn't even on my mind. I would just love to see her try something like this with the hope that she would enjoy them and would want to wear them for herself rather than for me.

I find the retro look attractive and I'm sure she would see how stockings, when worn properly aren't at all uncomfortable, that they aren't slutty and something that only prostitutes wear and that I only ever meant well and hpoed that we could both enjoy this part of me rather than have to suppress it, which is what I've always done.

I don't know how to change her misconception of stockings, especially elegant ones like the ones bought her, away from the slutty kind of image she has in her head. I wouldn't ever want her to look like that or feel uncomfortable, I know I could probably go about things in a different and better way and I hope I'm not being a complete arse about the whole thing, but I also feel upset a little that she would think so bad of me for liking something so "slutty".

How do I make this up to her and also explain that it is a million miles away from slutty and all I would do is think she look beautiful? (Not that she doesn't anyway)

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Hate to hear that, I have been through the same thing. In my experience and that of a number of friends, you are out of luck with this lady. Either they are into feminine attire or not. My ex wife was glad to wear them until we were married and then I got the whore clothes number. I don't think you will have any luck changing her mind. I would begin looking elsewhere, as this will fester and become a major issue between the two of you.

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Hi again Quietboy.

This is one of those topics that caught attention in a big way. That happens here and some of those topics take tangential lives so to say of their own. You obviously have had much input and much to chew on. I'll make light of what was said by just a few with no slight to the many that chose to respond- there are words a many well said with regards to this subject. I'll ask you to take a look longer at what Venus said, examine what Wallace Carrothers asked about Nuns wearing stockings (a point that really struck a chord and is still vibrating with me) and what Ffrhtlover had/has to say, even should that contain cynical overtones. They are after all what I shall take as his personal experiences which may seem cynical at glance, and have been placed here in various words many and much over time which makes me believe there must be shards of truth. The last relates to the "Gold Digger" syndrome which all have heard about. I think that is far from your situation though there is an obscure parallel. I'll go back to one of my original mentions about the itch you will never be able to scratch and it will always be that- there, but you can't quite reach it.

As said, you have a lot on your plate. Consider taking time about what is before you, or in your case, what you may become involved in before you digest what is there.

Forethought. Priceless compared to afterthought where everyone has far better than 20-20... Then again, if the most of us knew what we know know, I imagine few of us would be here now.

Best,

Dworkin

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Either they are into feminine attire or not. My ex wife was glad to wear them until we were married and then I got the whore clothes number. I don't think you will have any luck changing her mind. I would begin looking elsewhere, as this will fester and become a major issue between the two of you.

'

Indeed.

To the OP: Just find a woman who wants to be feminine. You will never make her feminine. You will end up married and depressed and unfulfilled.

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Thankyou to the posters that offered advice and could empathise with my situation, for this isn't a wind up it is just a very bad situation I find myself in.

There are other problems which are obvious to some, yet not to others who have taken offence to my original post.

I took the advice around a week or two ago that I should just get it out in the open as there was never going to be a good time to talk about it, I merely asked and wanted to know why she felt the way she did, I wanted to know why she thought they were slutty and why she felt so strongly and angry about the whole thing.

It didn't go well, a simple question got taken for me wanting her to wear them again (I never said anything of the sort I just wanted to understand her views) and her reaction was extremely bad.

Its obvious there is some underlying issue here with why she hates them, something I'll probably never come to understand seeing as she is unable to talk calmly to me about the subject. Also there is the issue that she really doesn't care about how I feel. There is no desire there to take part in something that I enjoy, no understanding, no effort put in to talking it through with me to come to a mutual understanding (it matters not if the outcome remained the same, it would be nice to be able to talk about the whole thing without arguing).

Should I really be happy with this person, because its not really about the underwear, yes its more difficult to talk about it when there is a disagreememnt because its kind of sexual in nature (not sexual, just something that I as an individual confessed to liking, which was a huge mistake to put my trust in her like that) but this could have been a conversation about anything.

If we can't talk about how we feel, if we can't talk about anything at all because she gets angry, if she has no desire to please me, if she looks down upon me and speaks to me how she does then I think I deserve better.

She could tell me she was into any kind of depraved act and even if I didn't like it I would never have spoken to her like she did to me, I wouldn't literally tell her or make her feel in any way disgusting. I wouldn't refuse to talk about the subject and I wouldn't have gone to work and made fun of her to all my work friends about it either, all of the above things she has done.

I've had girlfriends before who either wore nice underwear out of their own choice or have been more than pleased when they have been bought something, there is no sane reason why my current girlfriend would react so badly to any of this if she cared about me, but then there are problems in the relationship that contribute to this anger she has as she is getting councelling for it.

The relationship in comparison is fairly new, its coming up to the one year marker and I don't think an ultimatum would do anything but to split us up with me looking very bad. I have many other reasons not to be with this person as like I said, the whole anger/insults/refusing to talk/lack of understanding+caring etc could have been about anything, not just this. It was a mistake to open up to her in the way I did, something I will never ever do again even if future partners do enjoy the same things as me.

I didn't want it to be like this, but maybe its good that I got it out in the open now rather than in a few years time, I love her and probably could just forget about all of this, it was never that important to me, its just something I like, but as a previous poster said, her refusing to do something so small to please me is just as controlling as me making her wear it, then again I'm not making her wear it, I would just like her to, and if she didn't want to do it for herself because she liked it for whatever reason, then it wouldn't be very appealing or hold the same allure anyway. I hoped it was something we could enjoy and share together, guess I was wrong.

I won't be leaving her any time soon, I won't leave her at all just because of this, but I do have to decide if some of the relationship issues that arose because of this whole thing are cause to part ways or address them solely and hopefully improve upon them. It would be nice is she cared about what was important to me, it would be nice if she didn't think I was disgusting for the things I found attractive, it would be nice to just be able to talk without being shouted at and insulted.

Lots of problems here, least of all being the stockings, but thanks very much to everyone who saw my posts for what they were, to TC for completely understanding due to being there and to all the very good advice you all gave me, you've all really helped, if only in reminding me that there isn't actually anything wrong with me.

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Quietboy, that makes sad reading. Your account does not augur well for a contented long-term relationship with this lady.

Whilst you may feel that this issue of stockings and lingerie is relatively small there appears to be a bigger underlying problem. Relationships are all about communication and compromise. Neither party in any relationship should ride roughshod over the other. Both parties views, opinions and ideas need to be taken into account. Failure to do so will, almost inevitably, lead to resentment. That can, and does, fester and results in all manner of relationship problems. And, whilst you may be willing to let this issue go, if this is symptomatic of the way this lady is going to behave when there are issues you could be storing up a lot of trouble. I believe there are many marriages which get by because one party is keeping quiet to avoid rocking the boat but it is not a good basis for that long-term relationship.

And if you are experiencing this sort of issue before the relationship is formalised how much worse might it be once you are married. In my experience people usually try hard before marriage but relax afterwards. So I wouldn't hold out much prospect of an improvement in her attitude towards you, quite the reverse in fact. That may sound a bit cynical but there is plenty of empirical evidence to support the view.

If it were me I would be having at least second thoughts about your future with the lady. Marriage is a huge commitment and cannot work without communication and compromise. Think long and hard, my friend - being a quiet boy is not necessarily the right way to make it work and I speak from personal experience here...

Good luck

Steve/Michelle

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Hi Quietboy,

Why did you pick that username!

Anyway, I'm really sorry that this thing around stockings and stuff is causing problems. I can't seem to make up my mind as to whether Farmer is right (in that it should not be an issue its only clothes) or others are right (in that is not like your asking something horrific).

But I wonder why she does not want to, I think it can be fun knowing the reaction of guys when I'm wearing something pretty and it makes me feel more attractive. I would problably burst into tears if someone called me a slut so I definatley don't think stockings are slutty. But it does not matter what I think but what she does and its pretty clear shes not going to just change her mind.

If I felt this way about something, and my husband persisted. I am pretty sure I'd get resentful of it.

take care

qg

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Hello Quietboy,

What a sad post but what an interesting thread you started!

Someone once said (Socrates?) that the unexamined life is not worth living, and it appears that you have been doing a lot of hard thinking.

Even if things do not work out with your girlfriend, at least you can look back and see that this episode has clarified what you want /are looking for in a partner.

Your comment below does worry me though:

It was a mistake to open up to her in the way I did, something I will never ever do again even if future partners do enjoy the same things as me.

You have been hurt by her behaviour but surely it is a case of picking yourself up and dusting yourself down?

Emma

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I'm not sure I can add anything to what QG and Emma have put.. it's clear that this, and other things, are driving a wedge between you.. something I guess you don't want. I do wonder why she has such a strong and negative reaction though.. I personally can't think of anything that is more sexy and classy than great legs in great stockings and lingerie.

As I said above, I hope that you can work all this out.. but if you can't even discuss such things then that's going to be difficult.

Rikki,

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Sorry to read all this..

It is clear that this issue has brought other underlying problems into the light.

You don't deserve to be treated with such a lack of respect, mate.

Think hard.

Eton Rifle

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What a shame. Clothing in itself is not slutty it is how you wear it. Skimpy knickers are not slutty unless the skirt worn with them shows off the knickers when the woman bends over. A strange thing my very prim and proper grandmother once told me is that to keep a man happy a woman should be a complete lady in public and a complete whore in bed. I think this is put a little crudely but there is more than a grain of truth in it. What is wrong with dressing, I shall say raunchily not slutty, under her outer clothes. This is a tease for the ladies feller, but a very private one shared only between the two of them while they are out. I hope you resolve the issue it should be something intimate that the two of you can share and not a cause of friction in the relationship.

Now all I need to do is to get my lovely lady to wear. Good luck to both of us.

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This realllllly gets under my skin I must say.

Over the past few months in particular I have found people to be very rude about the fact that I wear stockings. It is almost as if people think they have the right to pass judgement upon me or think that I am easy just for this fact alone. I could say more about this but I wont, it has really got me down recently almost to the point where I have questioned myself and came close to stopping to wear them. Rant over. :lol:

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Greetings again Quietboy.

You are a deep thinker and that is good as they/ we are fewer by the passing minute.

Two parts of your post standout:

"Its obvious there is some underlying issue here with why she hates them"

"I wouldn't refuse to talk about the subject and I wouldn't have gone to work and made fun of her to all my work friends about it either."

The other is from Emma and has a nice ties in.

"Even if things do not work out with your girlfriend, at least you can look back and see that this episode has clarified what you want /are looking for in a partner." (Thanks Emma)

The first two are sure fire indicators of what is going on in your gals head and you've pretty much figured that out sometime ago. She had that which occurred to the point that she has buried it. I might ask only askance: does your lady happen to have a birthday in late fall, perhaps the last part of October or November? That is curiosity on my part and will make little sense to most. The second statement indicates supreme insecurity in that by itself indicates she has a birthday elsewhere though the actions are replete with one who has low self esteem and those roots may be a father related issue, even should she have not known him (missing or otherwise) and the way she looks at male members of society and hence, relates.

There's lots going on here, this is my impression and reams could be written. Emma's statement has a lot of insight and you are more than aware. I would not allow this/these events to cause you to close off, you'll just stifle yourself. Farmer is right, they are just duds. They are to you an important part. I'll suggest you include them in your concept of what should fit in the Big Picture as I like to say. That is only for you to say what is for you.

You already know your time frame may have an expiration date and as been suggested, better recognized before than after. I envy those whom for clothes and the like pose no situation and admit, I am not one of that group. Personally, I came to grips long ago. Then again I am a forever "young" older sort and Life looks different at and from different times.

Thanks for keeping us in the loop. You will gain from of all this and time may be that you realize this at a point in time far removed from now. Life is a magical process where success is hard to measure and usually becomes kind of apparent when in reflection and you've the mindset to see more clearly than the many.

Fine Regards,

Dworkin

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Quietboy, nice to hear from you. I had thought your lack of response was a little ominous...

I admire your dedication to your relationship (I really do) and I wish you both patience, strength + understanding in abundance.

pb

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Hi everyone, your replies have put alot in perspective for me over the last few months and have made a lot of sense when many things were hard to understand.

The whole stockings thing isn't really an issue in the relationship, but the reaction I recieved when bringing it up originally brought many things to light that I had never seen before. There are many important problems in this relationship and we have decided to break up, I never brough up the subject of clothing again as it would only enrage her, I still to this day do not know why I got such an extreme reaction to the whole thing.

Alot of the comments left are very true. Obviously this isn't the girl for me, as much as I wish she could be.

I have had much abuse in the last 6 months and hopefully before the year is out things will have improved and I'll be ready to start a new chapter of my life and maybe even meet someone new who has a similar outlook on life to myself.

The whole stockings thing was meant to be fun for us both, I don't think they are slutty, I don't think any sane person would think so either, I guess I'll never know.

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QB,

Yes I agree, it is suppsed to be fun. The only thingk I can think of is that there was some episode in her past that led her to make that conclusion.. strange as it may seem. Sorry to hear about your trouble though, hope you are OK.

Rikki,

xx

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WB QB.

Sounds like it was for the best.

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Greetings there Quietboy.

Been awhile and I was about to say that it was too quiet, thought that to be too rude. However, you have occupied my thoughts over the past and I'm glad to see you've reached a conclusion. You lost so to say and have gained considerably, with regards to insight and your examination of the circumstances allowed a considerable insight, to what was and more importantly, what you want. Reflection allowed vision to clarify and a redirection of energies in a positive manner. Allow me a bit of insight.

The last love of my life came along at a time when she seemed to be all I was looking for; brains, looks, personality, quick wit, a matching kink streak, a liking for booze and psychotropics, geeeeeze, she even liked my jokes. She even took to my penchants, at least at first. After moving in together and spending many a moon I made note that Paradise was only through my eyes. Her insecurities were amplified by my own and the inevitable occurred. Long I've had ample opportunity at the analysis and less long ago came to the conclusion I had judgment situations, part of my ongoing attempt at the square-peg-in-the-round-hole syndrome. I have equally as long accelled at this and became rather good at the art, much to much detriment. At a point, I came to the realization that if it doesn't fit, don't try. This realization even at my later stages in Life has served well and I've used it as example in preventing myself from finding improper employment. The trade off is I'm still unemployed and on the other hand, happier (if broker) in that working at a place I would not fit would not work. This causes fits among those less insightful (wife included) and their discomfiture is their problem, not mine. As in relationships, a lot of parts have to flow to work. Working at a place that I'm out of place won't cut it- no one benefits, anymore than trying make a relationship work that doesn't and ultimately will not. Both cases will not allow the proper energies to flow, which comes down to what one can live with. That becomes a personal decision.

Quietboy, you tried. Really did and a lot seamed right. A post thread about relationships was summed up quite nicely by Wallace Carrothers:

There is give and take in every relationship, and there are compromises to be made, unless you opt for the selfish route of singularity. Having a partner who no longer chooses to wear stockings is hardly a key aspect to a symbiotic relationship,disappointing yes, but life is addled with disappointment what characterises us is how we deal with these set backs, and don't let them stifle us. My partner has many other redeeming features which more than compensate for the non wearing of stockings, and I am not that shallow that I would choose a partner on the basis of leg wear alone. I accept this maybe a blasphemous statement on this site, and i admit to a rather strong affinity for the stocking clad leg. I just accept that i can't have everything, and that some things whilst desirable are not essential.

This is one of the finest set of words related to the topic of interpersonal interactions I've ever had pleasure to read.

Quietboy, you and I have an overlap and by that I make note about two parts: There are times when one may do everything right, be right and still lose. Your lass seemed to be part there. Seemed to be. There was mention by you about her lack of respect. She did not respect herself and could hardly in return respect you. And, her vehement reaction concerning stockings reflects a severe reaction to an event and/or number of events related to them. The other part- you and I had selecto vision. Good for you that you had an internal vision check as it saved considerable energy, considerable possible mistakes and sanity. Should this mean anything, this set of events occurred (with me) at about your age now.

What you've gained is insight to yourself and what you are ultimately seeking and I'll venture that when that comes on, you'll have the wisdom to know that "this" is the one. And don't discount your attraction about legwear. That is an important part of your being. Deny it and you will always again be after that itch you won't be able to scratch. This is an important feature, one that in one you consider choosing shall have the insight and wisdom to respectfully consider carefully in considering you. You've a great deal of introspection, more so now and an unusual level of sensitivity for a guy, which I consider an asset, and will hold appeal to that certain, fortunate woman when she finds you. My lad, you bring a lot to the table.

Good stuff that.

Sir, glad to have had the update. I again predict you shall find such as you seek.

All the Best,

Dworkin

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We just saw this thread...and glad we read to the end. We think you are a very decent fellow and well spoken - we were going to suggest that you tell her about the site, and how classy most of the posters are. We were also going to suggest you collate just your own posts and let her read them because you were so honest and sincere - who can resist that! Clearly you found that her response and attitude revealed some other serious flaws. We shed a tear for your loss - clearly you feel it - and wish you well in your next relationship. Stay open and honest; she'll be lucky to have you.

J&C

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Hi everyone, your replies have put alot in perspective for me over the last few months and have made a lot of sense when many things were hard to understand.

The whole stockings thing isn't really an issue in the relationship, but the reaction I recieved when bringing it up originally brought many things to light that I had never seen before. There are many important problems in this relationship and we have decided to break up, I never brough up the subject of clothing again as it would only enrage her, I still to this day do not know why I got such an extreme reaction to the whole thing.

Alot of the comments left are very true. Obviously this isn't the girl for me, as much as I wish she could be.

I have had much abuse in the last 6 months and hopefully before the year is out things will have improved and I'll be ready to start a new chapter of my life and maybe even meet someone new who has a similar outlook on life to myself.

The whole stockings thing was meant to be fun for us both, I don't think they are slutty, I don't think any sane person would think so either, I guess I'll never know.

to come to this sane and rational conclusion may have been worth the effort. Good luck...good life to you

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Hi quiet boy

Well my wife started to wear seams in the 70s and always wore them out. then she just stopped about 6 years ago when i asked her why she said she felt they were getting bad news and refused to wear them well now after being on here and with help from our good friends on here she now wears them with pride when we go out together belive me it has been a big struggle to convince her but she now knows this was silly as even dianna the princess of wales wore stockings as we all know and how stunning she loked in them. we have many lady friends on here and flickr that also wear stockings and look stunning in them so just take your time with her and point out that even the royals used to wear them. my wife now has a big new collection of stockings and beautiful lingerie and she looks so stunning when i dress her in them oh yes i get the job of getting her ready to go out thats half the fun belive me.

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