Quietboy

Are Stockings Slutty?

106 posts in this topic

I have been with my girlfriend for the best part of a year and for the first time in my life I know that I want to be with them forever more. I decided to tell her last weekend that I have always liked stockings and various other clothes and thought that she would look beautiful in them and I would be over the moon if she would want to wear things like that and wondered if she would like to.

She listened to me tell her one of the most personel things in my life and it is something I have never felt comfortable enough to tell anyone else. I wanted her to know something private and intimate about me and after it was all said and done I felt we became even closer because of how honest and open I was. She told me a few things that she liked and I said I was more than happy to try anything and would like to please her in any way I could. She didn't think I was weird and said that she would like to wear things that I thought she would look nice in and to just buy her some things and she would try them on.

I bought a suspender belt from this website along with some black gio rhts and a silk chemise - all very respectable and elegant and I thought it would compliment her well as she has the most beautiful body and looks good in anything all the time.

She had no problem with the chemise but took complete offence to the stockings and suspender belt accusing me of wanting her to look like a whore and that they were slutty and she couldn't stand the thought of wearing them. I tried explaining that the cheap and tacky outfits she was talking about were completely different and that I would never ask her to dress in anything slutty but she was so offended that she couldn't even stand the sight of them and asked me to get rid of them.

I like this style of stockings because I think they look sophisticated and elegant, completely different from something from a place like ann summers etc. I told her that I admire how women dressed years ago and that its more of an admiration than a sexual thing as that wasn't even on my mind. I would just love to see her try something like this with the hope that she would enjoy them and would want to wear them for herself rather than for me.

I find the retro look attractive and I'm sure she would see how stockings, when worn properly aren't at all uncomfortable, that they aren't slutty and something that only prostitutes wear and that I only ever meant well and hpoed that we could both enjoy this part of me rather than have to suppress it, which is what I've always done.

I don't know how to change her misconception of stockings, especially elegant ones like the ones bought her, away from the slutty kind of image she has in her head. I wouldn't ever want her to look like that or feel uncomfortable, I know I could probably go about things in a different and better way and I hope I'm not being a complete arse about the whole thing, but I also feel upset a little that she would think so bad of me for liking something so "slutty".

How do I make this up to her and also explain that it is a million miles away from slutty and all I would do is think she look beautiful? (Not that she doesn't anyway)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been through the same thing, if you would like to discuss further please say so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stockings are not slutty, the sluts wear the awful primark and tesco fishnet holdups stuff like that! a propper sussy belt with gorgeous ffn's just says total class, its how beautiful women should look

Xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If anyone called me a slut or slutty for wearing stockings they would get what for I can tell you!!!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As I have stated previously on this forum I believe that this country's media have a lot to answer for - it is them together with the'fashion police' et al who give the impression that stockings/suspenders are only worn by a 'scarlet woman'. I think the same as others who have posted on this forum that it is no good trying to force the issue immediately, its a matter of being patient. I know its easy to say this from someone whose wife has worn stockings(sometimes daily & always for going out somewhere special & on holidays) but if you force the issue it will put her off wearing stockings for life.

I have always found with Mrs JS that if I do extra things on top of the normal household chores (eg cook dinner for her when you get home from work if you are home before she is or arrange to do something special with/for her instead of going to the pub with your mates after works etc.) she would be more appreciative - maybe she would try hold ups as a starter. This approach always worked for me that why I have been happily married to Mrs JS for over 30 years.

When it happens it will feel the more sweeter. If it doesn't then you may be with the wrong partner.

Good luck

John S

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

well we are surprised that your lady felt that stockings are slutty. They are beautiful and no way are they slutty, look at the pictures from all the film stars from the 50's.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Stockings are not slutty, the sluts wear the awful primark and tesco fishnet holdups

Isabella...be careful how you 'assume' what a slut would wear. I have worn the primark fishnet hold ups on occasions and I can assure you I am no slut!!

I also wear FFns and a suspender belt! I wear what I like, when I like. We all have our own tastes and mine varies.

Quietboy...I am so sorry that your GF thinks that stockings are only for sluts.

Perhaps you could get her to look at some of the posts and pictures on here. There are some very nice pictures of Ladies in stockings who do not look like sluts...just ladies dressed like ladies.

Good Luck winning her round!

Giggles x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for your interest and advice everyone, I don't think they are at all slutty, just a normal piece of feminine clothing that looks beautiful. I think John S feels my frustration at the media for giving this all such negativity. I have a feeling that because of the negative view of stockings that if I leave alone and give it time nothing will ever come of it. I would be wary of showing her this after putting myself out there at the weekend and it kind of blowing up in my face and making me feel like a bit of a wierdo.

My girlfriend dresses really nicely and I find myself telling her all the time that she looks gorgeous. Imagine my joy at meeting a pretty office girl, it was like a dream come true lol She is rarely in jeans or trousers and prefers the girly look of short skirts and dresses and owns a killer pair of legs. I asked her to try on a pencil skirt a few months ago and she loves it and looks stunning. She teams it with thick black tights and various nice tops and I envy not working with her every day.

I have suggested lower denier tights as a start but she feels its too cold, hold ups would be a start or maybe just something sheer?

Its this negative view of them as something merely sexual and slutty that I need to get rid of as I don't think she would even want to give them a try a few times to see if she did like them (how could she not?!)

As for being with the wrong person I don't feel thats the case, stockings or no stockings I'd still want to grow old with her, I just wish that this passion of mine could be something we could both enjoy and have fun with rather than something I'd otherwise have to sacrifice and do without.

Help!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The word 'Slut' is short for sluttern and means an untidy or unkempt woman. Nothing to do with tarts

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ooooh it's a tricky one!! Some women do (wrongly) believe stockings to be 'slutty', I also blame the media!

Personally, I started wearing stockings as I found tights uncomfortable - the fact that they also look good was an added bonus.

I think whether they look tarty/ slutty is down to the person who is wearing them and what outfit they are wearing them with. A smart business suit, with stockings rarely looks tarty. I often wear stockings and a knee length dress/ skirt, again hopefully not tarty!

I wear all kinds of legwear - apart from tights (I can't wear them!), from all kinds of shops - from Gio FF nylons to primark hold-ups!!! I have never thought I looked tarty, it's how you wear them!

Give her time, she may change her mind. If she doesn't then never mind - we can't all like the same things, and there's always the ladies on here to feast your eyes upon, you certainly would not be alone in having a partner who does not wear stockings on this site..... many in the same position.

Stockings have been given a 'bad press' for a very long while, the bloomin media have a lot to answer for!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, stockings are not slutty.

Your girlfriend has the perception that they are.

We are all "programmed" by our environments and experiences beginning at a very early age, boys usually play with cars, girls usually play with dolls etc, it's more often subliminal, but sometimes it is more overt. Such influences can be profound, and long lasting.

The question you are asking is straight forward; however the answer to your girlfriends response is potentially very complex.

Do you think your respect, kindness, sensitivity, and understanding towards this ladies perceptions would serve you both well?

I hope you both find a mutually happy answer.

S

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Quietboy.

This is new to you and an older situation than I in many respects. Not to sound dour but her mind is made on due to a number of somethings that shaped her thoughts and relatively speaking, not likely to change. I expect to take heat for that. However, I've had enough experience with couples (and more) in a number of areas where issues like this were an issue and flexibility was not often in play. In sum, there are no simple solutions. Should you truly be ready to commit then your acceptance concerning this particular issue is yours to accept. So, it comes on to the proverbial query, are you or will you be able to live with it? Only you are able to provide an answer. I'll admit she is blindsided again for reasons which you may never divine. And, it sounds like she never will either. On a lighter note, I do like the response from Mr+MrsS. After all, 8000 plus peoploids can't be wrong unless we are all slut minded...

You are a most sensitive fellow and this took a lot for you to open up like that. I hope all works out as she does sound like in all a great gal. Fine Fortunes in your travels.

All the Best,

Dworkin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Some women are slutty. Stockings are not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like your girlfriend's mind is made up and, you'll have to decide whether this is a "deal breaker" for you.

Everyone has their own quirks and opinions, and - no matter how much we kid ourselves - we don't change much as we grow older, and we certainly can't change other people to be closer to our "ideal" person.

If your girlfriend's circle of friends and her everyday environment is one in which stockings aren't worn, then she has no positive reinforcement of how atractive they can be. Let's hope the high street shops start displaying sheer nylons and encouraging women to dress in stockings and skirts. If she sees more women in stockings then she may change her mind. We can always hope...

Jessica

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah, prejudice fed by The Media...

Conclusively, stockings are not slutty. In some people's mind they are associated with loose women, prostitutes and the like but in reality they are worn by a wide range of women throughout society and as long as the tops are well covered any observer would be hard pressed to identify whether the hosiery being observed was stockings, hold-ups or tights. We know that from our own personal efforts to get sightings.

I think she needs to be reassured that no-one except her (and you) is likely even to know that she is wearing stockings. In terms of comfort and utility I don't think there is an issue with stockings v. tights. With a good belt they are extremely comfortable to wear, pose no difficulty when using the toilet, easy enough to put on (especially if there is a willing helper to do the back clips until she is accustomed to the technique) - I can put on a pair of stockings faster than my wife can put on a pair of tights - especially if she gets them a bit twisted, they are more hygienic - I am sure there are many ladies here who will attest to that...

Don't push too hard - softly, softly, catchee monkey...

Good luck

Steve

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been wondering what to do for the best.

I could just never mention it again and hope that one day she might try them and realise how good she looks in them.

I could ask her if she would like to look at this website (where they are not shown to be "slutty" etc) and this thread in the forum, maybe if she read other threads from girls who are trying them for the first time it might show her that she is not alone in her initial reservations.

Maybe I should talk to her about how this is an important part of me as like you said, it is one of my quirks. Last weekend I could have turned around and said that I wanted her to dress up in a full leather cat suit or that I wanted to wear some kind of gimp suit with a ball in my mouth.... the possibility of me liking something much more perverse and niche (not that I think there is anything wrong with the majority of things people like) is endless - I think that the fact I like stockings and silk underwear isn't so bad, especially as the biggest part of the enjoyment for me other than getting to witness how beautiful she looks is that I know she would feel good in them and if given half a chance realise that she looked amazing.

I see what you mean by the whole 'deal-breaker' thing. As much as this is important to me my girlfriend would always mean more. I would be gutted if she never came to enjoy them, I'd never be able to share this interest I have with her. As good as other people look wearing them its my girlfriend that I long to see in this way - I see girls occasionally at work or out and about and all it makes me think is how good my girlfriend would look wearing something similar.

I would never leave her over it, I love her way too much and she is much too special as I've never met anyone so wonderful, I would however have to go with out so to speak, always imagining how nice it would be if things were a little different. Its not a big deal, like I said she looks great in anything and can work a pencil skirt like a model, I just wish she could see how gorgeous she would look if she teamed it with some elegant (not slutty) stockings as you're right, only we would know that she was wearing them and it doesn't look out of place or anything slutty as I see hundreds of women everyday dressed in exactly the same way.

What do I do?! It took me 9months to pluck up the courage to bare this part of me and now nothing has really come of it. She is perfect in every way other than, completely the opposite to me, she detests stockings (and possibly sheer hosiery of any kind). Who knows why I like it, I remember always having this feeling since I was little, is it possible to show her how I view things without nagging her about it?

She works in an office with mostly men I think but there are a few girls there also. I have no idea how they dress. I think it would be good for her to practise wearing them indoors before wearing them out for dinner one day in the future, as for being the girl of my fantasies and wearing them out of choice from day to day I can only hope.

Thankyou all for your advice so far.

PS. You're completely right it is the girl who makes the 'slutty' person, not the stockings as my girlfriend couldn't do anything than look classy in them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well you are to be commended for talking with her about it this soon. Being honest with her will be your best bet long term I think. Most of us will do almost anything for someone we love. I know I need to talk with my wife about what she wears out because I would like for her to wear stockings and heels again. She used to but hasn't in the last few years. I don't think she has any idea how much it means to me. She won't know until I tell her so I have my work cut out for me when I get home.

Stay the course, love her and try and expose her to the elegant classy side of stockings and I think she will come around. B)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quietboy,

My twopenn'orth so to speak.

Stockings on their own are definitely NOT slutty, they are an item of clothing , no more, no less. If the media started showing bare ladies on page 3 in jeans would that make people think jeans are slutty.. no I think not.

As for you liking of them and ladies (your GF specifically), Mrs Rikki says that there are lots of things I could do that would be worse than my interest in stockings (obviously mine goes a little further than your own :D ).. she would view drug taking, criminal activity, stuff like that far worse. As the other posters have said, tread careful, don't push, see if you can spot ladies out dressed in stockings... theatre or classy restaurant maybe and see how she thinks they look.

Hope this helps somewhat,

Rikki,

xx

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If your girlfriend's circle of friends and her everyday environment is one in which stockings aren't worn, then she has no positive reinforcement of how atractive they can be.

Very true. I cant help feeling that knowing a fellow colleague at work wears helped Linda to convert to stockings and my influence was introduce her to wearing something she found much comfier than she expected. Outside work amoungst non-wearing friends or family she is more cautious about wearing them.

Despite this, I'm wondering if Quietboy may have more luck concentrating on convincing his girlfriend to wear on a special occassion rather than trying influence her daywear.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Quietboy and welcome to SHQ,

Your lady friend is a captive of misguided thinking. She's been listening to the wrong people or reading the wrong articles. Some people enjoy leaning toward the negative just to be a part of a crowd that thinks negative about most anything. They stand as part of the crowd instead of standing for what they really believe or desire. They are afraid of being who they really want to be just to fit in, escape rejection or lean toward all that fashion crap. Ask her perhaps what warranted her remark? You are now involved in playing a hand of "True Love" poker with your lady friend. Best get your cards out now son and play this hand through. This hand is all about communication more than it has to do with wearing stockings and her thinking about the slut ordeal. What ever you do, Do Not Back Down and you tell her to explain herself! A relationship is built on communication and team work. Love or Real True Love has no place for self centerdness. She owes you an explanation for her action. If you don't iron this out now your relationship will start to flow down river. Let her get away with this and you are setting your young life up for a disaster. Many an unfortunate man has come here to SHQ with the same problem. The answer to this hand is to call her bluff and get her out up front and personal with her prissy arsed attitude. Don't run or squirm from her! She owes you a logical explanation for the way she's treated you. And believe me my boy there are many young ladies that would have loved to be in her position as you presented your gifts to say "Thank You" She did not even give you that courtesy! You will find out how much she really loves you because if she refuses to sit and talk and if you stay with her many things you suggest will end up just like what you are going through now. There is no "I" in team! I'm an older woman and these snot nosed kids these days really give me a case of the ass in the way they treat people. Love will find you perhaps after misery but it's best to suffer and lose at love than try to love one sided and suffer your entire life. Just a suggestion from an older stocking gal? Bless you!

Susan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well Quietboy, I feel for you. I've been there and believe me it has come close several times to destroying my 21-year-old marriage.

So think VERY hard about this. Sooner or later you will reach the point where it DOES become an issue for you. Guaranteed.

People may say 'if she loved you she would....' and 'take it slowly and do x,y and z...' and all kinds of advice but, as you have already said so eloquently in your postings, this is an important part of 'you' and you have had a terrific rebuttal.

I *really* felt for you when I read your first post because it reminded me so much of me, some years ago.

I hate myself for saying it, really I do, but in my opinion (you did ask!) you need to bale - and sooner rather than later.

Get realistic - she is never going to visit this site, or be convinced by anyone, or 'take it gradually'. Take it from me, the advise you're getting is rose-tinted bollocks. This *will* be an issue for you from the start and eventually you will end up taking your pleasure where you can (here?) and that in itself will become a problem. Crisis point...

It has been a real battle between my and my missus. It does not sound as though she was as 'anti' as your girl, and my 'thing' wasn't just stockings (- any hosiery would have done for me!) - and even given these lesser circumstances I know how bad it has been for me.

Nothing beats the 'you should love me for who I am, not what I wear' line - there is just *no* comeback.

You will spend a lifetime feeling bad about what you like, and life is just too short for that. It's made even worse by the fact that you would do anything for the other person...

(And if you are thrown the occasaonal bone, it will be reluctantly - and believe me nothing takes the edge off your pleasure than 'being done a favour' in bed).

I cannot believe I am saying this - I do love my wife dearly - but I do *sincerely* regret entering into a long-term relationship without factoring my 'nylon thing' into it. I look at the couples on this site with real, proper envy. It is such a small thing to ask, a bit of clothing. How can it become such a divisive issue - and there are so many much, much worse things you could be asking (or in fact doing).

Sorry for sounding bitter - I don't mean to, really I don't - I am still married, after all, and marriage isn't all about clothing.

We've had some very happy times + have got two lovely kids, a nice home - a happy couple to all outside eyes.

(For reference: currently the missus does occasionally wear but generally grdugingly/with prompting. Make your mind up how that would make you feel... And add that to the fact that it's taken 20 years to get here).

Yes, love + attraction come into it, you respect your partner and there is more to life. Plus the marriage is not only about you, you are not perfect wither, and both of you may make compromises. BUT...

...the very fact that you're on here discussing the matter, rather than just 'kicking off' makes me think that you do love and respect your partner - which I'm sad to say means you're probably in for a long, long haul of respecting her opinions and suppresing your own.

Sorry, but were I in your position, I would end this now, no reason given, or at least a fabricated one. Or you could end it and give the *real* reason, and then live with the fact that she thought you were shallow. Either way, make the break.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would like to know why she has the view that wearing stockings is slutty. Sure, maybe she has seen girls looking 'slutty' but thats not how I would like to see her.

I would like to atleast prove to her that stockings are not seen in this way, especially not by me, nor by anyone else in the street passing by as to other people she would seem to be wearing sheer tights just like many other women wearing a skirt.

I would like her to atleast give them a try a few times, I know that she couldn't complain that they were uncomfortable and if I could convey my views on them then I don't see why she would see them as slutty anymore either. If after giving them a good try she really didn't want to wear them then fair enough, although after giving them a go and seeing that they are just a regular piece of clothing that many people wear I don't see why there should be such a dis-liking for them after that anyway, especially as she can't fail to miss how good they make her look and how sexy they should make her feel.

It seems like such a small thing - I can understand the whole "If you loved me you'd wear them" side of it but if I loved her then I wouldn't ask her to wear something she didn't want to wear either. Then again she has never once worn them, so you can't really say that without atleast giving them a fair go.

My girlfriend bought me a pair of sunglasses for christmas as I had seen them in a film and really wanted a pair. It was a great present but because I have never worn them before and feel I don't look quite right in them I have found it difficult to wear them so far. This isn't to say I'm not going to, I'm willing to wear them around the house to get used to them and then out and about somewhere quiet until I feel comfortable enough to wear them all the time whenever I feel like it. The same happened with a hat I bought a few months ago, my girlfriend said that she thought I would look nice in it (like she thinks about the sunglasses) and so I bought it and slowly started to wear it more and more until now I am used to it and wear it all the time. It was daunting at first as I had never worn hats of any kind before but I slowly got used to it knwoing that my girlfriend thought I looked nice wearing it. I would be like this with anything. If she wanted to see me in a navy uniform or a leapord-print thong then I'd do it - I'd feel uncomfortable at first but that would go over time and I would enjoy it as I knew my girlfriend got pleasure from it.

You're right I would do anything for her, which makes this strange as it seems like such a small thing I ask of her. I don't want to live without her but it is going to be a life of feeling there is something wrong with myself for liking this kind of thing. Everyone must have their own thing that they like, be it just an interest or hobby or something sexual. This is more of an interest to me, I love helping my girlfriend shop for clothes and suggesting things she would look nice in, it makes me really happy to see how beautiful she looks and I feel proud as she is with me and other people can only look on and wish. I would like a life of admiring my girlfriends legs in stockings, not anyone elses.

Her main argument is that she doesn't see the point in them. You would think I would have a million and one answers for that remark, which I do, but I feel so out of place for having this fascination that I can't speak up as it makes me look like a weirdo. The point in them is that there isn't really any one thing she could wear that was sexier, more appealing and more feminine than this. There is nothing she could wear that would captivate me for so long, I would be gobsmacked at how good her legs looked in them (aswell as anyone else who saw her I guess) and they really would make her look stunningly beautiful. She has great legs and as great as they are on their own, in her skinny jeans or in her thick black tights, they couldn't look anymore perfect than with that slight sheen and hint of colour to them, not to mention that they would feel heavenly. She would look smart for work, gorgeous on a night out at a restaurant and the girl of my dreams behind closed doors.

It needs talking about, not because I want to come across as nagging her about it or giving her any pressure (There really isn't anything worse as her doing this for me as 'a favour' because the biggest part of this interest of mine is that she enjoys them and wears them for herself because they make her look good) - it needs talking about because she needs to accept that its a part of me and is something that I like to do.

Maybe I should have said I was into dogging or swinging, water sports or heavy S & M - something more extreme, I just happen to like something that people wear everyday to work, to dinner, to bed etc Why is it so bad?

No cheap nurses outfits, no school girl fantasy, no dominatrix get up, nothing slutty, nothing extreme or out of the ordinary - I would find her completely irresistible in a nice blouse, a pencil skirt, some stockings and nice shoes (I'm not even wanting some crazy mile high pair of heels either!!).

I'm lost.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quietboy,

Not sure I can help or advise any further, you seem to have done more thinking about this than the rest of us put together.

One thing I will say though, and forgive me ladies, but women are complex creatures, men are so much more "on" or "off", women have a few switch positions in between. I know that I have pictures of Mrs Rikki up here (and some of her on her own under her own name) and she is constantly amazed that anyone would even look at her pictures, let alone say how gorgeous she looks.. what I am trying to say I guess is that she is so shy about such things and so modest with it, that she sometimes refuses to believe the comments. As such, and this is just a suggestion cos you know your lady and I don't, maybe she doesn't think she'd look sexy and gorgeous in stockings and so won't wear them because she thinks she'd look silly or not sexy at all?

Rikki,

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As many others have said, it's a media perception that has been drilled into us all. Generally, stockings are only shown in a sex scene in movies, whether it be a lead up and an undress. Or it's a period thing (which I personally find far more sexy.)

Yes stockings, especially with suspenders, are erotic in the mind of most people, but if you asked most men, so are most items of lingerie.

Might be helpful to remind your partner that prior to the mid 60's, nearly all women wore stockings and suspenders, so assuming that stockings are slutty doesn't say a lot about older women who wore them daily in earlier years. Including grandmothers, aunts and possiblly her mother.

For me, stockings are all class. Sure, they are erotic for me, but even being a stockings afficiando doesn't make me think a woman is 'up for it', it just makes me appreciate her sense of style and class. Not that I've even spoken to more than one lady who chose to wear stockings, and she was my dad's age and married.

Slutty for me is a person that sleeps around to try and gain some measure of love and respect and ends up getting used, not a pair of stockings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Her main argument is that she doesn't see the point in them. You see here Quietboy it's fairly obvious this lady has little regard for how you feel and you are at the point where you are questioning yourself into feeling like an oddball or weirdo. You are not the problem! I believe the problem is hers for being close minded and totally unwilling to even attempt to please you concerning something very simple. She argues because she's unwilling to try something that may compromise her idea of her opinion of herself. It's a threat to her comfort zone and she fears feeling out of place or out of control. What's the point? What's the point of the sunrise? To enhance the beauty of what was hidden in the dark. What's the point of her lipstick or eye shadow? To enhance the beauty of an already beautiful face. What's the point of her love for you? To attempt to make you happy within reasonable bounds. What's the point in you desiring her to wear stockings? To enhance the beautiful legs she already has. Stockings to the legs are like the finished paint job on a car, or the gloss on her lips or the polish on her nails or the cut of her hair. These things are the icing on the cake! Things to help enhance and bring out the allure of the already beautiful. Now if she can argue about this then it's obvious she has no argument at all. What she may be suffering from is a case of insecurity? I would still try a good sit down get to know you and me better conversation. Your's is not an impossible case at all. To iron this out would be a leap toward forging a grand relationship. She would never have any argument until she had actually tried stockings. Until then her point has no point! She would have to experience them before she could argue about them at all. I'm pulling for you quietboy.

Susan

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quietboy,

Print out your last post and present it to her. Ask her to read it through and tell her you'll be at the table when she's finished reading it completely. You've presented some very compelling arguments and statements about how you truly feel. Let her read them. It may just turn her 'round.

Susan.. You're 110% on as usual. I'd really hate to think had you not been introduced to wearing stockings... not a good thought at all. Hope Bill and the grandkids are all well.

Eric xxx

P.S. I've been collecting vintage stockings (late 30's thru mid-60's) for close to 30 of my 55 (almost 56.. shudder) years, and have gotten my fair share of comments, but more have been positive, and more and more ladies (and more than a few husbands) are coming to me for information on stockings.

EJR

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Farmer..this is one of the best replies I have ever had the pleasure to read on this forum.

It also confirms to me that under that tough exterior you are really a very caring and sweet man...(sorry if I have ruined your street cred). :lol: We need people like you on here to put things into perspective!....

Giggles x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No-one here is saying love can’t “conquer all” nor that marriages are not full of compromises, nor that all men are self-centred pigs, nor that a fetish defines anyone. Of course not.

Quietboy and his gf may well be able to deal with this issue. He has thrown it open to debate and *hopefully* is hearing both sides of the argument.

Yes, you’re absolutely right, it’s not (really) a ‘big thing’ and there are more important things in life – children, family, faithfulness, security, respect for each other.

But respect has to take into account ALL your partner’s aspects. To outright deny one part of their personality/desires IS a big thing.

I can’t imagine any football/cricket/sport/shopping-loving partners being told they’re never to play/watch any of their favourite sports/buy shoes going down too well in a long-term relationship. Imagine being told ‘I’m never going to make you your favourite meal – ever’. Or ‘golf is bad’.

And yes I *know* they are stereotypical examples – the point is (to me) that although you may not understand it, as long as your partner’s particular viewpoint does not offend you, it deserves to be respected.

In this case, Quietboy’s point of view *does* appear absolutely to offend his partner, and of course the problem is more complex because it involves both of them (it’s not like you can just tolerate it, like going fishing, or going to the boozer).

You can argue that in a caring relationship, the issue could be talked around, discussed, handled gently. Well, yes it could, but it’s not like discussing who you’re going to vote for in the election. It’s personal, one person finds it much more important than the other, one is offended by it. It can be a painful process on both sides.

As always, the options would seem to be: give up, try and work it out, or suppress the whole thing (on the basis of there being more important things in a relationship).

Of course ‘working it out’ is the more desirable option – the question is whether this is possible here.

Part of the difficulty in assessing this is that – presumably – the posters on here are happy with their ‘thing’ whereas Quietboy’s gf is revulsed by it. So let’s take the question away from ‘stockings’ per se, for a moment.

How many of the female contributors to this site would, say, be happy for their partners to be into the ‘adult baby’ thing? How many would be willing to be ‘talked round’ into participating? If you were initially repulsed by the thought, THAT is how Quietboy’s gf is feeling – she’s not just being prudish, difficult or unenlightened, it *genuinely* offends her. (Pick any sexual preference, feel your level of revulsion and remember it before you post).

So - is this insurmountable? Well, clearly not – stockings are a more ‘mainstream’ preference, so there is perhaps less stigma attached.

I would *love* to think that Quietboy and his gf can sort things out but it is going to be painful for both of them. You have to ask yourself whether it would be better to avoid all that pain.

Still, why would anyone take advice from a us? LOL…

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(Sorry, double post...)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The nitty gritty here Quietboy, is how important this particular item of clothing is to you. The state of affairs you desire might well be an impossibility with this

lady. Does the person concerned know the meaning of the word 'compromise'? Quite an important word when dealing with many aspects of a relationship methinks.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well said, Levante. A calmer way of putting it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quietboy, No stockings aren't "slutty". How they're perceived by others is another thing. Without a shadow of a doubt, you could do a poll, much in the style of that "Ffortunes" gameshow, where 100 people are asked to give the first word they think of when told the word stockings. If you were fair about it, some slightly derogatory word would crop up on the list. It might even be "slutty". But that doesn't make them so!

Who's got some red shoes? Who wears a flat cap?, Who wears short skirts, Who's got a tattoo? Who wears strong perfume, Who wears driving gloves? Who's got a grade 1 haircut, The list goes on and on. Some clothes and they way people dress, tag on a preconception about the person from those that look at that person FACT!, If we're honest about today's society, we all do it. Anyone "hugged a hoody" lately? How shocking were the punks back in the 70's? The thing with this forums favourite hosiery, is that nobody need ever know what's going on under a hemline!!

And it's not just negative connotations, If you say no, I say how come so called "designer brands" happily display a logo, advertise so much? Because they want you to buy into that lifestyle. Owning / wearing that item, buys entry to that life, so that a person can "belong", so there's a "me too!" moment, the next time some minor celeb' turns up wearing, some gear like that a punter just bought.

So if your GF has only ever seen the "worlds greatest mind control clothing ever", on some cheap looking strumpet, in a low grade X rate film / jazz mag, is she going to want that "me too" moment? (I'd just like to point out that I have no real opinion on any workers in any branch of the adult industry. I don't know any of them, ergo I can't have an opinion).

Like many others who have posted here, you need to understand, where she gets the steer towards the poor logic of stockings = slutty. But by the same token, you'll need to have some really good arguments about why in your book, stockings = best thing ever. It seems from your posts that you do have the arguments ready, but if I were you, for now, I'd let it lie. One thing you do have in your favour is that she does at least have a standpoint. If she engages in dialogue you can both move forward, you will at least have something to argue around. Apathy would be something quite different and altogether harder to beat.

Now I'm reading between the lines a little bit here, and I'm not going to give relationship advice. (Did that once before, BIG mistake), but I'd imagine you're still a young ish chap, so your GF might also be on the young side. I'd imagine that the outpouring of admiration for an adorned woman, came as something as a shock. Imagine for a second she'd turned to you and gone "Magic, I've been wanting to get this leather hood and dog collar on you for weeks, and get you to lick my shoes clean! You go first!!!" You might have had some reservations!!!

Should you follow the advice of others to end this relationship, then if your conscience is clear then go for it.

Think carefully.

As a "single man", you will enjoyed NONE of the pleasures of being with a significant other and you still won't have a partner who indulges you. I repeat, NONE OF THE PLEASURES! I would imagine that if you're looking at her as long term, she's the one, etc, that your GF has enriched your life on a number of levels.

Think back for a second,

When you first started dating, were you thinking "Fantastic looker, great sense of humour, seems into me, nice background, intelligent, well mannered tons of stuff in common!. My ideal woman. But if she won't wear my fave hosiery, I'll bin it."

Be cautious, measured and deliberate. One last point, you've had advice from a mainly partisan crowd on here, so it's been at the forefront of your thoughts. She may have brushed it off and forgotten about it, thinking about work in the morning, or what shopping needs doing in the week. She may even have realised she's been a bit harsh, and very soon give you the surprise of your life.

Like I said, no real advice, just take your time. Take a break from it and gain some perspective. There are bigger issues in the world.....

Good Luck

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My wife wears stockings, but only for me in the privacy of our home. She is not a stockings wearer but realises how important it is for me and my 'fetish' to know that she is wearing them. So she indulges me and we invariably we end up having sex because she sees how aroused I become, and I am ever so grateful to her for that

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Quietboy,

I can't claim to have read all the posts prior to mine, so forgive me if I'm repeating what may have been said before by others.

The simple fact is that stockings are not 'slutty'. There is a big difference between 'sexy' and 'slutty' and there is absolutely nothing wrong with 'sexy'. An old fashioned word I know, but it still takes some beating.

Sexy can be all things to all people. It can be elegant, innocent, unintentional, full-on deliberate, coquetish, mysterious, hidden and a whole host of other things. If some couples enjoy it that way, yes, it can even be a little slutty. In my book though, the very best things that sexy can be are: loving, giving, sharing, understanding and respecting. And it should always be unashamed. After all, without someone feeling a little turned on a few years back, none of us would even be here would we?

Look at all the lovely, lovely people on SHQ. Hanes Baby, Impish Behaviour, Mrs S, Crystal, Linda, Lisa ... the list goes on and on. And my own dear darling wife is the very best example. All these gorgeous ladies are people who enjoy wearing stockings and expressing their femininity and/or sexuality so generously - both for their partners and for themselves - either privately or otherwise. But all are a million miles from that nasty little word, which I won't even use in the same paragraph. Until I joined SHQ and realised what nice people there are on here, I sometimes worried if my fetish for stockings was somehow bad or something to be ashamed of. But not any more - I know better.

I'm sorry that your lady thinks as she does. and I hope that she thinks again and tries to understand your position and the innocence of it. You're not some kind of weirdo - just a genuine guy with clearly a lot of love to give and she should realise that and relax about it. If you weren't such a good guy, you'd already be out of the relationship and elsewhere by now.

Good luck with your quest for understanding

Westmeister

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi Again Quietboy.

Farmer has made some very good points. One I'll expound on is you seem to be a rather sensitive sort and certainly jump not into things. On the other hand, you strike me as not really being in touch with yourself and that further prevents you being in touch with others, especially your love interest. This is not uncommon by any means and the general populace shares this trait. What is gong on with your lady is beyond any easy ability to figure out and as has been made, there is only one side of the story. I kind of pick up a theme related to her work environment which seems to be male dominated and that in itself probably holds a large key. I detect some esteem issues and they are also in play. As you've probably figured out there are no easy avenues here and the main issue that you brought you on here is just a small part of what I think is going on. You may care to consider intervention, by yourself or with your gal as this is just an itch, this thing about stockings and an itch you'll never scratch and will eventually come back and bite big. I just don't think you will be able to accept the situation as presented overall in the long run.

Now, I'll not offer advice as such. I will relate that I am one who spent considerable time trying to place square pegs in round holes and yes, it can work. However, it never quite works right and as you are far ahead in many areas, you I doubt shall find satisfaction with such an arrangement. I really do envy those people who are so easily satisfied with simple- they think Budweiser is beer, like sports, glom on to any current fashion trend and all the other etc's. You are not so and do have ability t see deeper and further than most. I say this from one who over a long span has managed to make several incorrect assessments concerning (among much) my choice in women and though some of those gigs worked out (and some could have- I was not much in touch with myself either) when you get into a serious affair, know where you are and what exactly is or will be important. This thing about legwear is important and as Farmer makes mention in the Big Picture has to be placed in context.

Time has that situational questions like yours show up here usually but not always by fellows looking for answers. Exceedingly seldom are there any that fit on any plate, they usually spill over the side quite a lot. I'll suggest as has been suggested you do some heavy introspection. Don't be in a hurry, this is a considerable set of circumstances and they have been with you as long as you've been around. To sound a little 60'sish here- if you and your Lady are meant to be, it will happen. You shall see that though right now, there is a lack of clarity you have need to work with. Remember that Life is Long and and complex and far easier to avoid a mess than attempt a cleanup later and all of us see this situation many and much which gets worse when kids are in the mix.

I'll leave off by suggesting you employ patience and start thinking both in and out of the proverbial box. You may begin find some incredibly interesting insights.

Fine Regards,

Dworkin

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh dear. I find Quietboy's opening up to total strangers over this issue very moving, a little more so perhaps than some of the replies. I don't think stockings are 'slutty', and I don't think my future wife is a slut for wearing them, but I can quite see why some women find them to be so; some of the posts on shq might well reinforce this. You're treading on very tricky ground here when trying to convert someone who obviously just cannot see herself wearing a suspender belt and stockings.

I would agree with Dworkin. You have to look at yourself, try and analyse what it is that makes the wearing of stockings so important to you, how you see women in general and your present girlfriend in particular, and what is the most important aspect of your relationship. Also look at what brought you together, why you are still together and what would happen if you were to part. Ask yourself what you would do if someone else that you didn't particularly like were to come into the picture with the promise of "stockings forever". It happened to me once, briefly, and for a month or so I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, but after a very short period I realised that there is (fortunately) more to a woman than two nylon tubes and four bits of elastic.

It's very tempting to say that whatever you do, you can't 'win' on this one. Either your gf is adamant in her refusal and so that's that, or she'll very reluctantly give in and the most likely outcome is that she will feel resentment and the situation will fester. There's clearly a hang-up somewhere with both of you, and if the issue of wearing stockings were to act as a catalyst to find out what lies beneath the surface, then you won't be wasting your time..

You say she only wears thick tights, not lighter ones or anything sheer, despite having legs to die for. She sounds insecure about herself or at least about her legs, and stockings set legs off like nothing else. Have you gone into this with her? Have you tried buying her 15 denier tights to see her reaction? Has she ever said anything about your buying her clothes that would suggest she'd rather you didn't? After all, women, or men for that matter, might find that having clothes bought for them that they hadn't chosen smacks a little bit of control freakery.

One can only wish you all the best, and hope that you find nirvana, but it seems to me that if you really want to spend the rest of your days with your partner, you'll have to accept that stockings are a no-no. The question is, how do you feel about that? Is resentment going to build up in you? Will you start thinking that "if she really loved me she'd do this to please me. After all, it's no big deal". Such thoughts are typically masculine, and usually wide of the mark. For some women, indeed for many women, having to put on a suspender belt and stockings is a drag. It's fiddly, more time consuming than tights to put on, they may slip down, possibly draw very unwelcome comments from the grosser males amongst us; comments that are perceived as proof for those like your partner that she was right all along and that she shouldn't be wearing them. They can make some women feel very insecure, for several different reaons.

Sorry not to have a silver bullet.

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I had to read through this topic after I seen the name of the person starting it!!! Quietboy.

I think its a shame she thinks this way as I think stockings are the same as other things like my perfume, skirts, heels, lipstick, eyemake up, my lingerie a dress and so on. Does she think make up is slutty (I really hate that word and would probably be really upset if someone called me that)? Or heels? Or a thong?

I like to wear them cause I know he finds me very attractive in them, the same as all the other stuff. Its not really as if its a drag as someone said to do these things, it can be fun.

But I also have to say that I am now going to go and ask him if I didn't wear stockings what that would mean!

Be back later.

x

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now