Quantum123

How to discuss the kink?

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Hello everyone! Can people share how they discussed this kink with a partner? Are most women judgmental of it?  Like how do you describe how certain clothing is so arousing?

Edited by Quantum123

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Which kink are you referring to Quantum?

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We don't see wearing stockings as a kink, its practical, fashionable and erotic as far as we are concerned, now if you what to know what we think is kinky....... mmmmm well thats maybe for another site 

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Greetings there Quantum.

Mr & Mrs S have a point to consider. Don't think of your penchant as a "kink" but a desire for a form of attire. Taking a kinky approach does not inspire confidence and in fact is more likely to be a turn off. Explaining you've a liking for something stands better chances.

Best, 

Dworkin 

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Ok let me just give you a small back story about me. I call mine a "fetish" because it was highly arousing and almost sort of required but bear with me here.  I'm a 26 year old male . I've never been in a long term relationship only causal type hook ups. Around the age of about 11 years old I remember I saw a woman wearing thigh high stockings and felt a feeling I'd never felt before I was very very aroused by the look. I remember after seeing stockings in real life several times after this I discovered soft core pornography. In those days, I would search any images to do with stockings as it aroused me the most by far . Around the age of 14 or so I developed an anxiety disorder. I felt like no one else, like why do stockinged legs turn me on so much, no one I knew was that way . I can't even begin to describe the isolation and shame  I felt for it, most of my peers liked other more common things and here I was really loving stockinged legs.  My doctor at the time put me on an SSRI antidepressant  for the anxiety disorder (he didn't know about he fetish and I didn't even know there was a word for it at the time). I've been on an antidepressant albeit a low dosage for the past 12 years or so . I can still get an erection and orgasm but by libido is not that strong as I don't feel like really really horny anymore it's sort of just flatlined. But there is a catch: my fetish for stockings is very much diminished. This is to say I almost don't have a very very strong liking to them on the drug. Now I know I have a strong attraction to stockings because I've come off an antidepressant about 3 times of the years for about 3 months each time. When I was off them my fetish came back intense. Basically I'm just stuck in a conondrum. I can either keep taking ssris for life and get a partner but essentially not ever get very excited (I'll still be able to have sex and orgasm but everything is blunted). I'm also scared that they may be required during every sexual encounter if I'm not on a drug. I'm deathly worried that no woman would accept that because they would not understand why stockings are necessary or such. What should I do? Let me also say that it is so highly arousing that I exclusively focus on the stockinged legs if I do have a sexual partner (if I am not blunted by an antidepressant I mean). It becomes quite obvious that I have a fetish at that point . What I'm trying to get at basically is that I have 2 options: find someone and explain all this beforehand before getting married of course, or stay on a drug and have stockings Incorporated only occasionally. Yes, I have been this way  forever it is truly the way I'm wired as my natural self ( if I am not taking an antidepressant)

Edited by Quantum123
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5 hours ago, norfolk couple said:

another freak,  Ruby x

That is a very cruel and unhelpful comment.

There are many people on here that 'love' stockings to this level, but not open and honest about it, or possibly do not even realise.

Be thankful this young man has a desire for a lady wearing stockings rather than many other things that are much more 'freaky'.

To Quantum I would say, honesty is the best policy and surely it is better to live a life off the drugs.  There are specific stocking dating websites, so Im sure these women would be understanding of your preferences.

 

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5 hours ago, norfolk couple said:

another freak,  Ruby x

I agree with Ms Flutters, in that your comment was uncalled for, the lad pours his heart and soul out in an effort to seek help and you condemn him as a freak.

Quite Sad.

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1 hour ago, flutterby said:

There are specific stocking dating websites

Oooooh, tell us more, LOL!

KtF
:58674be0c2f40_EmojiSmiley-06:

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13 hours ago, Quantum123 said:

Ok let me just give you a small back story about me. I call mine a "fetish" because it was highly arousing and almost sort of required but bear with me here.  I'm a 26 year old male . I've never been in a long term relationship only causal type hook ups. Around the age of about 11 years old I remember I saw a woman wearing thigh high stockings and felt a feeling I'd never felt before I was very very aroused by the look. I remember after seeing stockings in real life several times after this I discovered soft core pornography. In those days, I would search any images to do with stockings as it aroused me the most by far . Around the age of 14 or so I developed an anxiety disorder. I felt like no one else, like why do stockinged legs turn me on so much, no one I knew was that way . I can't even begin to describe the isolation and shame  I felt for it, most of my peers liked other more common things and here I was really loving stockinged legs.  My doctor at the time put me on an SSRI antidepressant  for the anxiety disorder (he didn't know about he fetish and I didn't even know there was a word for it at the time). I've been on an antidepressant albeit a low dosage for the past 12 years or so . I can still get an erection and orgasm but by libido is not that strong as I don't feel like really really horny anymore it's sort of just flatlined. But there is a catch: my fetish for stockings is very much diminished. This is to say I almost don't have a very very strong liking to them on the drug. Now I know I have a strong attraction to stockings because I've come off an antidepressant about 3 times of the years for about 3 months each time. When I was off them my fetish came back intense. Basically I'm just stuck in a conondrum. I can either keep taking ssris for life and get a partner but essentially not ever get very excited (I'll still be able to have sex and orgasm but everything is blunted). I'm also scared that they may be required during every sexual encounter if I'm not on a drug. I'm deathly worried that no woman would accept that because they would not understand why stockings are necessary or such. What should I do? Let me also say that it is so highly arousing that I exclusively focus on the stockinged legs if I do have a sexual partner (if I am not blunted by an antidepressant I mean). It becomes quite obvious that I have a fetish at that point . What I'm trying to get at basically is that I have 2 options: find someone and explain all this beforehand before getting married of course, or stay on a drug and have stockings Incorporated only occasionally. Yes, I have been this way  forever it is truly the way I'm wired as my natural self ( if I am not taking an antidepressant)

Love your honesty and openness and sincerely hope you can work it all out and that you find the right path to continue living your life in the best way possible for you.

I've just come back from a hospital appointment wherein the solution to my problem lies squarely within my self and my power. Only I know if I can do it and move on in the right manner and I suspect that's where you're at too?

The advice that the always admirable and reliable Flutters has given you might just be the best you receive and if you follow it I think you can be hopeful that it will work. I also think that there will be others along to give their opinions and thoughts and these will, in the majority of cases, be heartfelt and informative.

One thing I'd say is stick with us here and I'm sure you'll enjoy the experience of being a member and get a lot of fun and enjoyment out of your membership.

KtF
:58674be025c9f_EmojiSmiley-05:

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9 hours ago, norfolk couple said:

another freak,  Ruby x

Why do you feel the need to judge me? I am not a rapist , I'm not a murderer, I'm not a domestic abuser or child abuser. I'm not in to hardcore bondage, violently degrading a partner , peeing on a partner or the myriad of other fetishes out there. Look I've never felt completely normal my entire life. The inner shame and turmoil I've felt for this has been practically unrelenting at times. 

Edited by Quantum123

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3 hours ago, Quantum123 said:

Why do you feel the need to judge me? I am not a rapist , I'm not a murderer, I'm not a domestic abuser or child abuser. I'm not in to hardcore bondage, violently degrading a partner , peeing on a partner or the myriad of other fetishes out there. Look I've never felt completely normal my entire life. The inner shame and turmoil I've felt for this has been practically unrelenting at times. 

You did ask if all women are judgemental. A wind up me thinks.

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Greetings again Quantum.

Always amazing how tangential threads can become. First on, now that there is more to explore (your first post to start this thread left a lot to interpretations) let me attempt a deeper response. Second, you seem alright to me. You are one of those caught in a loop, one I am able to relate to and will say there are alternatives, always. Those I may expound upon that later, for now allow me to explain my original post more thoroughly. 

I do not consider your self phrased "fetish" a kink. Fetishes occur from mild to wild and in the extreme can be debilitating where one may not function without the fetish being involved. I do not see that here, simply someone (like the most here) with an appreciation for our penchant. Associating hosiery with "kink" reinforces the stereotype among the "normals"- that wearing hosiery (in particular) stockings, especially those Classic or Traditional  is related to being a prostitute, slut, tart, something related to sleazy, trashy porn (believe or not, classy porn does exist, it is just quite obscure and most rare) and by saying such is a "kink" simply propagates the garf. Add that the vast majority of women on the planet are so brainwashed to despise any form of hosiery one may understand the implied connotations. Oh societal pressures. Specifically, with you, anyone (and this is aimed mostly at guys here- most gals do not attempt to attract other women wearing enticing attire, i.e. exciting underwear for example) approaching a lass you've an interest in perhaps investing a longer term relationship should include a subtle explanation on your part about your liking. Couched in more even terms has a far better chance of potential acceptance. Reference to a "kink" diminishes that by multiples. This also requires finding a person in possession a horizontal mind, wider by far than the average to what everyone else does and considering the average attention span of the  the masses currently that becomes a project in itself. Still, think outside the proverbial box here. I do not think that you would be long term satisfied with a partner that simply satisfied your stocking desires- you strike me as one that requires a broader perspectives and indeed one to compliment your own cerebral core. You do not strike me a simple person but one with deeper and wider interests.   

Unfortunately I am living in a state of chaos and as I keyed this the thought process suffered supreme interruptions so forgive should the coherency have lack- I seldom have "private" time currently and it has impacts. Life goes on.

Quantum, I do hope some of this helps more than my previous response as I admit I may have sounded trite though again I had little to bite on. You are young, Life is long and you many a decade ahead. Fine Fortunes in your pursuits.

All the Best, 

Dworkin  

     

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What I mean to say is that taking an antidepressant ( at a low dose) means I am able to "perform" without focusing on a partner wearing stockings. The desire is "turned down" a lot if that makes sense. I practically don't even have a specific liking for stockings on the drug but without it comes back. The situation is confusing and I don't know if I'd ever explain this to someone outside of this forum because many people understand what I'm saying here but not elsewhere

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A very open post which I think I can empathise with.

First antidepressants you need to speak to your GP as a “low dose” might not be a therapeutic dose and if you have been on them 12 years chance is they are not doing much now. Ask about other treatment for your anxiety look up mood juice and CBT. 

So that gets that out the way “kink” well go into a room of 20 people and you would be amazed at the diverse “kinks” people have. They just won’t openly talk about them please think about this what is normal?

This leads to Stockings I have a partner/friend and wife who is my rock. 

Once you are in a relationship (longer term) you will find you should be able to talk about anything communication is key!

Once I introduced my wife to Stockings we never looked back she wore them almost daily. As we got older I noticed her wearing them less and less. Her choice which I respect.

Turns out she was doing it for me she thought they were “slutty”.

We have discussed my views as I see them as elegant powerful and classy.

We all view things different now comes the compromise all good relationships need give and take.

So very occasionally now she will dress in Stockings I try not to make a big deal about it. Usually special occasions and 1940s events when she feels more comfortable. 

So I really miss the glimpses of stocking tops or the strap appearing through the skirt material. I think I can spot this a mile off.

What do I do well I’m sorry to say I’m a lurker. I don’t contribute much and saying I’m really busy is no excuse but trust me I really appreciate having a quick glance at the photos posted or hearing about a sighting.

My wife is fully aware of this and I maybe don’t contribute much because she is not keen for me to get involved with discussions with “strangers” respect again.

Hope this is not to long winded and possible helps your situation focus on finding a sole mate the rest might follow and if not there is always SHQ I hope!

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Have you tried talk therapy with a therapist? It may help more than medication. 

With relationships, I've expressed my stockings interest / obsession when the timing felt right. There's no "correct" way to do it but it's just part of an honest conversation. 

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Mmmmmmm, kink?  I don't think so.  Fetish? Sure, ok, I'll go along with that.

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Fetish is the correct terminology. Such a disorder being discussed is rarely professionally diagnosed. I am sceptical about the young man's story. Genuine fetishes of this nature may embarrass the individual and are rarely dangerous. 

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9 hours ago, Doctor Elaine said:

Fetish is the correct terminology. Such a disorder being discussed is rarely professionally diagnosed. I am sceptical about the young man's story. Genuine fetishes of this nature may embarrass the individual and are rarely dangerous. 

I too think fetish is the word and condition BUT I also very much believe the OP and can feel concern in his words and expression.

Whilst there are far, far, far worse things to be addicted and affected by, unless we're the person in the shoes you can never really know how bad things affect someone personally, believe me I MADE the T-shirt!

Just hope all turns out well for the OP an his honesty and openness leads him to a solution or at least a tolerance.

KtF
:58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

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On 10/26/2017 at 11:17 AM, SeamsFFun said:

I've just come back from a hospital appointment wherein the solution to my problem lies squarely within my self and my power. Only I know if I can do it and move on in the right manner and I suspect that's where you're at too?

KtF
:58674be025c9f_EmojiSmiley-05:

One can only hope that your treatment program helps you address your fondness for verbosity, pomposity, and (of course) the over-use of the term "adornment" or its variants.  :58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

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On 10/30/2017 at 11:16 PM, SeamsFFun said:

I too think fetish is the word and condition BUT I also very much believe the OP and can feel concern in his words and expression.

Whilst there are far, far, far worse things to be addicted and affected by, unless we're the person in the shoes you can never really know how bad things affect someone personally, believe me I MADE the T-shirt!

Just hope all turns out well for the OP an his honesty and openness leads him to a solution or at least a tolerance.

KtF
:58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

I agree! Just have a look at the internet and all the other things people are in to. I believe everyone has certain turn ons if they are honest with themselves. It is nice to see members in their 50s or 60s here, I know many other people have the same attraction as me , and I'm only 26 years of age! I did talk to a therapist about it and they gave me tips for how to be open and talk about it with a partner. Hiding it or not being able to be honest with a partner  is where a lot of the shame can occur. That is true of any relationship or marriage though. 

Edited by Quantum123
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24 minutes ago, Quantum123 said:

Hiding it or not being able to be honest with a partner  is where a lot of the shame can occur. That is true of any relationship or marriage though. 

That is a superb piece of advice and I say Amen to it too!

KtF
:58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

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1 minute ago, SeamsFFun said:

That is a superb piece of advice and I say Amen to it too!

KtF
:58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

There's not too many ladies that wear stockings anymore at least here in the good ole USA lol except at home! :58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

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I get bored by one s asking do putting stockings on arouse me.  Yes I am a member here but dies it mean I am in constants wetness?   Those blokes must have hard ons constantly

Also what number of straps colour of belt stockings 

Plus loads more

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20 minutes ago, Married Carole said:

I get bored by one s asking do putting stockings on arouse me.  Yes I am a member here but dies it mean I am in constants wetness?   Those blokes must have hard ons constantly

Also what number of straps colour of belt stockings 

Plus loads more

Sorry :58674be7f3afa_EmojiSmiley-17: Not a constant hard on though! 

Edited by Quantum123

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Carole,

Like you I get fed up by individuals constant asking or complaining that postings do not contain their pet like or fetish.
The people are non contributors of picture, just observers of those that do post.
They should be thankful that some members post photos of themselves for the pleasure of others.
I am bored with reading, "why no V clips?", "no tights, just stockings", "more straps?' etc.
These types are neither satisfied nor grateful, just demanding and thus rude!

If you can't appreciate the effort of those that post pics, then do not make adverse comment or be rude!
Why should they bend to your wishes? 
Be grateful and give thanks to those that post pics for your pleasure.

NylonBil.

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On 10/31/2017 at 10:43 AM, Mr. Smooth said:

One can only hope that your treatment program helps you address your fondness for verbosity, pomposity, and (of course) the over-use of the term "adornment" or its variants.  :58674bdf747cb_EmojiSmiley-04:

Its such a shame when someone is unhappy in their life that they choose to take it out on others.

Unlike the OP who is genuinely looking for help and to improve himself.

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56 minutes ago, norfolk couple said:

Your kink has made you blind.  Fat mutton dressed as lamb. Ruby x

I think we're going to have to see what Ruby looks like before everyone throws around judgements. :58674be0c2f40_EmojiSmiley-06:

Edited by Quantum123
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excellent post. i've always wondered why some men are so turned on by nylons and heels. my late husband was very shy about the subject when we were first dating but finally opened up  a little about it. for me it was well worth indulging him.

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59 minutes ago, leggypat said:

excellent post. i've always wondered why some men are so turned on by nylons and heels. my late husband was very shy about the subject when we were first dating but finally opened up  a little about it. for me it was well worth indulging him.

I did same for my hubby who grew IP with mature women family members wearing

I was wearing before we started to date 

He later opened up and I gave him his Indulgence

 

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A very fine post

My take on this is that you are doing the right thing - not by taking medication, but by making the first steps in simply ‘Accepting’ that this simple fetish is ‘Who you are’!

The love of stockings is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and can work in parallel with other learned values with the right partner. These parallels are those found by associations with happiness and expressions of our truest emotions

I would say, like many folk here, that stockings have come to dominate your life - And that’s fine!

All to do now (and you’re more than halfway there) is to place yourself into the environments where appreciative ‘like-minded’ ladies exist.

Specific dating sites do exist as has been mentioned but don’t exclude others. My advice would be to take a little time to ‘chat’ with a person prior to the first meeting and to try to get to know each other. During this period you can impart how important a ladies dress sense and particularly stockings are to you. You don’t need to expand on anything more than that I wouldn’t think, but you may very well find that you connect with an understanding lady who gets a very real buzz from wearing anyway. Who knows, you may even find a lady that you can introduce our joys to and learn together?

Just accept YOU for being YOU

All the best

 

Bosun

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Greetings again Quantum.

Bosum has provided an excellent response in my view. Ultimately, you is who you is and to be anyone else takes far too much energy unless you care to live a life that is not yours and you do not seem as the spy type. Attempting to live a lie so to say, to "fit in" is a real drain. Unless you are an incredibly dynamic sort, to do otherwise, happiness and satisfaction would be as elusive as a perfect politician or perish, World Peace. Bottom line: You've need to be who you are because in the end that is who you really are. 

Best, 

Dworkin

 

 

 

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This is so varied since each of us wears for different reasons.  Wearing for me is an immediate sensational rush.  It intensifies parts in my brain that are otherwise quietly running in the background.  I think when we get down to it people land anywhere between two extremes.  All about the aesthetic and look they achieve with the other being the tactile feel they give.  Stockings and tights imprint on many of us at a young age where exploration is limited and access to them is difficult.  It adds to the allure and builds up the adrenaline.  I’ve been told this is the most innocuous of fetish and now have a mildly accepting partner.  You have to know all about yourself and what it means before you can really share this with someone.  The possible rejection is crippling.  It took my 16 years with my partner to share this part of me.  Some may say it’s deceit, it happens to be one of the most inner truths you can ever trust someone with.  Your struggle is very real and you sound like you are managing it well.  Explore your temptations and share only with those who will respect and understand the meaning of what you share.

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On 2017-10-30 at 2:47 PM, Doctor Elaine said:

Fetish is the correct terminology. Such a disorder being discussed is rarely professionally diagnosed. I am sceptical about the young man's story. Genuine fetishes of this nature may embarrass the individual and are rarely dangerous. 

Applaud the correction and hopefully alignment at least on the proper terminology. Totally agree with your final conclusions.

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Hello everyone! Can people share how they discussed this kink with a partner? Are most women judgmental of it?  Like how do you describe how certain clothing is so arousing?

A big hello to you Quantum123 and welcome to Shq.  I'da been here sooner but due to personal problems I've been on the back burner.  I thought of throwing in the towel here but my good husband told me this is where my friends are and I need them and you!

Hey there Baby Boy, rest assured you are not weird, odd, out of sorts or lost like a ball in high weeds.  You are a 26 year old young man that's taken in by the sight of a woman in stockings.  I recall a conversation with Dian Hanson, the editor of Leg Show magazine back in 1989.  My husband sent in some photos of me for publishing in their amateur section.  I noticed after looking at some of Bill's older magazines that all the women had their faces hidden or smudged out.  It was to hide their identity!  I received a letter and a follow up phone call from the editor.  She asked if I would please allow Leg Show to show my entire image.  Which meant showing my face!  We agreed and had to sign legal documents to allow this to happen.  I'll never forget what she told me!  "To hide your face and not allow those eyes to capture the hearts of every person that buys Leg Show magazine would be a terrible injustice to you, your photos and my magazine"  So I went for it and became a legend in my own time!  I found that my kinky, naughty stockings photos were enhanced by my eyes and they snatched the souls and hearts of thousands of people all over the world.  Did I look and feel kinky with my legs opened in sheer black panties and black seamed stockings with that, "I'm Going To Drive You Crazy" look on my face.  Certainly I did and I loved every bit of it!

Rest assured my sweet, young son!  There is nothing wrong with you at all.  I know about kink and I know about being a lady.  I'm the same person in heart, soul and body but shown differently at certain times.  Should your life be about being honest, pure, unselfishness and loving then you are on the right track kink or no kink.  And rest assured there is more kink than you could shake a stick at here but that does not make anyone bad or odd.  We are all human beings and acceptance is the answer to our problems.

I accept you as you are!  I'll tell you this!  Don't worry about the opinions of other people whose opinions are not worth listening to. Be honest and loving and all will fall into place!

Here Is Something Just For You!

Peeling Chair1.jpg

With Love,

Susan

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37 minutes ago, HanesBaby-CSB said:

Hello everyone! Can people share how they discussed this kink with a partner? Are most women judgmental of it?  Like how do you describe how certain clothing is so arousing?

A big hello to you Quantum123 and welcome to Shq.  I'da been here sooner but due to personal problems I've been on the back burner.  I thought of throwing in the towel here but my good husband told me this is where my friends are and I need them and you!

Hey there Baby Boy, rest assured you are not weird, odd, out of sorts or lost like a ball in high weeds.  You are a 26 year old young man that's taken in by the sight of a woman in stockings.  I recall a conversation with Dian Hanson, the editor of Leg Show magazine back in 1989.  My husband sent in some photos of me for publishing in their amateur section.  I noticed after looking at some of Bill's older magazines that all the women had their faces hidden or smudged out.  It was to hide their identity!  I received a letter and a follow up phone call from the editor.  She asked if I would please allow Leg Show to show my entire image.  Which meant showing my face!  We agreed and had to sign legal documents to allow this to happen.  I'll never forget what she told me!  "To hide your face and not allow those eyes to capture the hearts of every person that buys Leg Show magazine would be a terrible injustice to you, your photos and my magazine"  So I went for it and became a legend in my own time!  I found that my kinky, naughty stockings photos were enhanced by my eyes and they snatched the souls and hearts of thousands of people all over the world.  Did I look and feel kinky with my legs opened in sheer black panties and black seamed stockings with that, "I'm Going To Drive You Crazy" look on my face.  Certainly I did and I loved every bit of it!

Rest assured my sweet, young son!  There is nothing wrong with you at all.  I know about kink and I know about being a lady.  I'm the same person in heart, soul and body but shown differently at certain times.  Should your life be about being honest, pure, unselfishness and loving then you are on the right track kink or no kink.  And rest assured there is more kink than you could shake a stick at here but that does not make anyone bad or odd.  We are all human beings and acceptance is the answer to our problems.

I accept you as you are!  I'll tell you this!  Don't worry about the opinions of other people whose opinions are not worth listening to. Be honest and loving and all will fall into place!

Here Is Something Just For You!

With Love,

Susan

Such a glorious return and such words of wisdom and fortitude from a Lady that truly deserves her legendary status.

Susan you are da bomb!

KtF
:58674be18a3d6_EmojiSmiley-07::58674be234469_EmojiSmiley-08:

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