Dworkin

Bring Back The Jokes

2,027 posts in this topic

Alright, a truce and back to some serious humour (how is that for a contradiction in terms...?)

Shrinks.

A fellow walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap to which the psychiatrist says:

"I can clearly see your nuts."

*

A fellow goes to see a shrink and tells him that when he tries to go to sleep he starts thinking that he is a pup tent and then a a pop up tent. This goes back and forth to the point he gets little sleep. He asks what's going on.

The shrink tells him: "As I see the problem, you are just two tents."

*

Another chap goes to see a head doc and tells him:

"When I go to bed I start thinking that something is under the bed. So I look but there is never anything there. But I can't help myself and keep looking and don't get much sleep. Anything you can do?"

Being a typical shrink, the doc stokes his facial hair and responds:

"Come and see me three times a week and we will work on this."

The chap asks:

"How much do you charge?"

Doc: 

"$100 an hour."

Chap:

I'll get back with you."

Weeks later both meet on the street by chance. The doc says"

"You never got back with me."

The chap says:

"I had a bartender give me a solution for the price of three drinks."

Doc:

"Tell me more."

Chap:

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed."

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Just now, stockingsadmirer68 said:

The usual kind of response from this poster. :58674c1998005_EmojiSmiley-104: :58674c112784f_EmojiSmiley-90: :58674c057baa4_EmojiSmiley-69: :58674cf24b322_EmojiObjects-43: 🔚

I think SA68 clearly illustrates to members the kind of person he? is.

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3 minutes ago, stockingsadmirer69 said:

I think SA68 clearly illustrates to members the kind of person he? is.

Only to buffoons like you, who have been banned on many occasions for inappropriate behaviour and continue ‘trying’ to hoodwink other members and SHQ staff / management  :58674c057baa4_EmojiSmiley-69: :58674cf24b322_EmojiObjects-43:🔚

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Nobody, as far as I can make out, is trying to hoodwink anybody.

I shouldn't think that members will like being described as 'buffoons' but that's just SA68's way.

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23 minutes ago, previousbannedmember said:

Nobody, as far as I can make out, is trying to hoodwink anybody.

I shouldn't think that members will like being described as 'buffoons' but that's just SA68's way.

Try reading my comments properly - you buffoon 🤡:58674c057baa4_EmojiSmiley-69::58674d5a21ae6_EmojiObjects-216::58674cf24b322_EmojiObjects-43:🔚

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I think that accordion is known to its acquaintances as "the truth" and if baldy stretches it any further, it will snap.

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Donald Trump 🤡  is only watching the Olympics to see how high the Mexican pole vaulters can jump :58674bde4b3fb_EmojiSmiley-02: 

(Yes, I know it’s the Winter Olympics but still funny 😆) 

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Asked the Mrs what she wants for Valentines. She said “Give you a clue, ex England goalie” 

She’s expecting Flowers.....she’s getting Seaman!! :58674bdeceb55_EmojiSmiley-03: :58674bde4b3fb_EmojiSmiley-02: :58674bddb5b72_EmojiSmiley-01:

Edited by stockingsadmirer68

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At God's instruction, Heaven has entered a curling team at the Winter Olympics.

Jesus swept.

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An old geezer became very bored with retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000."


 

Doctor Young, who was positive that Dr. Geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to make $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.Young's mouth."

"Dr. Young: "Aaagh! -- This is gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."


 

Dr. Young became annoyed at this and went back after a couple of days to recover his money. He said:" I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

"Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.

"Dr. Young: "Oh no you don't - that's gasoline!

"Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!You've got your memory back.That will be $500."


 

Dr. Young, (after losing $1000), left angrily and then came back a few days later and said: "My eyesight has become weak; I can hardly see anything!"

"Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back," handing him a $10 bill.

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You just got your vision back! That will be $500.


 

Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer". Don't make old people mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick them off.

 

 

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1 hour ago, rowlf said:

An old geezer became very bored with retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr. Geezer's Clinic. Get your treatment for $500. If not cured, get back $1,000."


 

Doctor Young, who was positive that Dr. Geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to make $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.

Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr.Young's mouth."

"Dr. Young: "Aaagh! -- This is gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."


 

Dr. Young became annoyed at this and went back after a couple of days to recover his money. He said:" I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

"Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth.

"Dr. Young: "Oh no you don't - that's gasoline!

"Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations!You've got your memory back.That will be $500."


 

Dr. Young, (after losing $1000), left angrily and then came back a few days later and said: "My eyesight has become weak; I can hardly see anything!"

"Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, here's your $1000 back," handing him a $10 bill.

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You just got your vision back! That will be $500.


 

Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer". Don't make old people mad. They don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to tick them off.

 

 

Yuk...yuk..yuk!! :58674bddb5b72_EmojiSmiley-01:

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Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

If you do not laugh at this, then you are seriously depressed,

make a doctor's appointment.

I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling.

:58674c057baa4_EmojiSmiley-69::58674beb3e9c9_EmojiSmiley-23::58674be0c2f40_EmojiSmiley-06:
                                                                  

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