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Everything posted by Dworkin

  1. Bring Back The Jokes

    Greetings there Folks. Thanks to Satin and Silk for the first wisp of humour. As many may know, I am astutely serious individual and purport to be conservatively outrageous when possible. Anyone to believe that first part, contact me about land for sale... Alright, the first two: Think Before You Speak: Perhaps the wrong thing to say: A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long!" Services will be held at 2:30pm Saturday at Forest Lawn Mortuary. and, The Burned Out Gynecologist : A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved,signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?" The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
  2. Bring Back The Jokes

    A hooker or prostitute says" Faster, faster". Your girlfriend or mistress says" Slower, slower". Your wife says: "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige".
  3. Dinner party

    Hi Folks. Admittedly my parole officer won't allow the luxury of reading all the responses at luxury (alright, I'll admit I've been imbibing), however, I find Helen has interesting choices. When widow presents I should like to explore more about the rest of them though suffice to say Groucho Marx sets a wonderful tone. As to spirits allow access to plenty and a well (or perhaps plenty) well knowledged barmen (or to be in my case rarely Politically Correct), "barwomen". Large heavy and mobile objects would need be banned and monitors with tasers be discreetly available as with any of varied ideals may, nay, would certainly lead to differences of opinion that booze would only enhance. So, perhaps I might suggest bongs... Tipples, Dworkin