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Everything posted by Dworkin

  1. Bring Back The Jokes

    Greetings there Folks. Thanks to Satin and Silk for the first wisp of humour. As many may know, I am astutely serious individual and purport to be conservatively outrageous when possible. Anyone to believe that first part, contact me about land for sale... Alright, the first two: Think Before You Speak: Perhaps the wrong thing to say: A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long!" Services will be held at 2:30pm Saturday at Forest Lawn Mortuary. and, The Burned Out Gynecologist : A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to change careers and became an auto mechanic. He found out from the local technical college what was involved,signed up for evening classes, attended diligently and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor saying, "I don't want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if there has been an error that needs adjusting?" The instructor said, "During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back together again perfectly which is also worth 50% of the mark." The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you did all of it through the muffler."
  2. Bring Back The Jokes

    So I am in a tavern which is also noted for decent food and asked what I'd like. I said: "I'll have to drink what the fellow on the floor had and to eat whatever the fellow at the table with the woman under it is having also..."
  3. Bring Back The Jokes

    Poor Harry. Instead of waking to find the Bluebird of Happiness on his widow sill he instead found the Chicken of Depression.
  4. Happy Birthday CottonNash

    Aye, I second that and more much. Gums, I do hope you are still out there and do or at this time have had a Happy. You indeed have been missing in action for many turns. Tipples in the extreme and should you hear clinking of glasses in the background, well you shall know such to be in honor of and to you. All the Best, Dworkin